Understanding the Psychology of Interrupting

Constant interruptions can be difficult to deal with, but understanding a bit more about the psychology of interrupting can help you cope. Recognizing why interrupting happens is a great place to start. It's also an excellent idea to have a number of strategies prepared to help deal with a chronic interrupter in your life.

A discussion can take only so many interruptions before it ceases to be a discussion. For this reason, chronic interruptions are conversation-killers that disrupt a healthy exchange of information. Here's what to know and do when interacting with someone who seems to always be interrupting you before you're done speaking.

The Psychology of Interrupting

Everyone wants to feel heard — but if you don't feel you are, the relationship can begin to erode. After all, consistent interruptions by the same person not only feel like a lack of respect for you and your thoughts, but they also demonstrate apparent self-centeredness.

Interruptions also can make you feel insignificant and unimportant—that what you are trying to say isn't worthy of being listened to. Knowing some of the reasons why people engage in this type of behavior can help you better recognize the psychology of interrupting and strategize ways to manage it.

Culture and Family Background

Some tendencies to interrupt can stem from cultural differences or the person's family background. This can make interrupting seem like a natural behavior to them or something they do almost automatically.

A Need for Control

Other interrupters are goal-driven, impatient people who like to get straight to the point. Their way of making this happen is to interrupt and usurp control of the conversation.

Excessive Excitement

Some people interrupt because they are so excited about what you are saying that they cannot wait until the end of your statement to contribute their own thoughts and feelings. Their excitement leads to interrupting you, the speaker, mid-sentence.

Lack of Awareness

Chronic interrupters sometimes have no idea they are even doing it. To them, interrupting others is simply what makes a conversation interesting and dynamic.

Gender Differences

Interestingly, a person's gender may impact their interrupting behaviors. For instance, a study from George Washington University found that men interrupted women 33% more often than they did other men.

Effects of Interrupting

While understanding the psychology of interrupting can help you make sense of it, it is also important to consider the effects that this can have on conversations and relationships.

Undermines Respect

Regardless of who is doing the interrupting or why they are doing it, the reality is that at the moment when an interruption occurs, the interrupter is communicating that what they have to say takes precedence over your thoughts and opinions. This can make you feel like they are dismissing you or don't respect what you have to say.

Asserts Power

Whether they are aware of it or not, chronic interrupters are asserting their power, knowledge, and ideas at your expense. And in extreme situations, interrupting can be anything but an altruistic behavior.

Potential for Abuse

Interrupting is often a tactic used by emotionally abusive people who use it as a way to assert dominance and control. For this reason, it's important to know how to handle interruptions with grace and dignity and still be able to get your point across.

How to Deal With Interrupting

It can be helpful to have a few different strategies in place to help deal with constant interrupting in different situations.

Address Interrupting Before You Start Talking

If your chronic interrupter is a coworker, it might be helpful to address interruptions before they even occur. For instance, before giving your presentation, you can preview what you plan to say and
stipulate when would be a good time to ask questions or offer comments.

You might be able to use this same tactic with a partner by saying something like, "There are a lot of different parts to this story; so bear with me. I want you to be able to grasp the entire picture before you ask questions, OK?"

Discuss the Interruptions During a Neutral Time

Whether your chronic interrupter is someone on your staff or your partner at home, it is a good idea to discuss the interruptions at a time when you both are calm and objective. Talk to the person about what you've experienced and explain how it affects you using "I" statements instead of pointing the finger or making accusations.

It's also important to give the interrupter the benefit of the doubt. Some people simply do not realize that they interrupt as much as they do. And, if you frame your thoughts objectively, it's more likely to
produce behavioral change.

Decide How to Handle Future Interruptions

Once you have had a discussion or two about the chronic interruptions, think about how you will respond when it happens again—because it will. No one can change a pattern of behavior instantaneously.

When you are interrupted in the future, you have several options:

• You can ignore the interruption and keep talking.
• You can stop talking altogether.
• You can ask "May I finish?" and then continue on.
• You can even walk away from the conversation if you want.
  

The key is that you are prepared ahead of time on how you will handle interruptions, maintain focus, and not let them derail you. If you allow interrupters to hijack the conversation, there is no motivation for them to stop what they are doing. They are still getting what they want when they interrupt.

Consider Your Own Communication Style

Take a good, hard look at how you communicate. Do you share long, drawn-out stories? Could you be more succinct and to the point? Perhaps your communication style could be changed or improved to deter interruptions in some way, especially if you tend to monopolize the conversation.

Be Patient With Yourself and Others

Be patient as you work through interruption issues. Changing behavior and communication styles takes time. But with persistence and patience, you might be able to have more balanced and effective conversations. After all, everyone in the conversation benefits when people feel heard.