Katie Kolinski, groundbreaker at Syracuse, balances coaching as single mother: ‘I call it Mom mode’

Katie Kolinski doesn’t know any other single mothers looking to make the climb in the women’s basketball.

She doesn’t really know why.

Maybe the stigma that attaches itself to single mothers makes them reluctant to share their stories. Perhaps the stories are out there waiting to be told but are ignored as women’s sports remain undercovered. Or perhaps they are as rare as it sometimes feels, with mothers and talented coaches forced out of the profession by time demands, parental responsibilities, inflexible cultures and lazy assumptions made by those charged with doing the hiring.

Kolinski, a West Genesee High School graduate, shattered glass ceilings at Syracuse, becoming one of the first female head managers with the men’s program and then the first female graduate assistant coach.

Now in her second season as an assistant coach with Lafayette College’s women’s basketball team, she is trying to accomplish something fairly unique again.

At 27 years old she is trying to carve out a career in the demanding college coaching profession as a single mom, a path that has relatively few high-profile role models.

“I think the biggest thing is showing people it can be done,” Kolinski said. “There’s a stigma about being a mother in this profession. And there’s a stigma about being a single mom. At the end of the day, I want (my daughter) to know what’s possible. She needs to have someone who is doing it. She’s my motivation every day.”

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Kolinski doesn’t want her experience viewed as a hardship or with pity. She thinks it’s important other single mothers know they aren’t alone. And she wants her almost 5-month-old daughter, Kaiya Bean to know what’s possible when mom puts her mind to something.

The balance isn’t easy. She has tearful moments. She feels overwhelmed. But Kaiya is, foremost, a blessing and source of boundless joy.

Kolinski found out she was pregnant last December. Kaiya’s father is a former longtime on-and-off boyfriend who remains involved in Kaiya’s life. But while Kolinski and Kaiya live in Easton, Pa., he lives more than three hours away in Syracuse.

It was a surprise pregnancy, but Kolinski was immediately happy about the idea of being a mother. She named her daughter Kaiya because she liked the alliteration. She chose Bean because of Kobe Bean Bryant, who died seven months before Kaiya was born. Kolinski grew up idolizing the former NBA star and admiring his relentless pursuit of improvement.

Kaiya is happy and giggly. Kolinski marvels at watching her daughter learn and grow. Her eyes follow her mother up and down the court at practices. She is improving at tracking the basketball. Thankfully, she has proven adept at remaining calm during Zoom meetings.

“Having her smile, whether it’s in the morning or at 3 a.m., makes it worth it,” Kolinski said. “She barely cries. She’s always smiling and happy. She loves watching movies. She’s just getting her voice now. It’s been the biggest blessing.”

While Kolinski was happy personally, she worried about what motherhood meant for her professionally.

Coaching is a pressure-packed and time-demanding job. Jobs require wins. Wins can be decided by inches. And there is an underlying assumption that every moment spent working improves your chances and that successful coaches must pick a priority. Being a mother requires having two.

There are no female head coaches in Division I men’s college basketball, and only 62.9 percent of Division I women’s head coaches were female in 2019-20, according to the University of Minnesota’s Tucker Center for Research on Girls and Women in Sport. The pattern is similar for assistant jobs. Part of closing that gap, experts believe, is creating a family-friendly environment in athletic departments so talented coaches aren’t forced to pick.

“There’s unsaid things in women’s basketball in general,” Kolinski said. “People want to hire women that can put 100 percent in the game. They want to hire people that have no other obligations. Male coaches go to work every day but, normally, moms are taking care of the kids.”

Kolinski had a ground-breaking experience during seven years at Syracuse. She was a manager during the team’s most recent Final Four run (2016) and a graduate assistant during its most recent Sweet 16 (2018). She worked mostly with Syracuse’s big men, a group that included Rakeem Christmas, Dajuan Coleman and Paschal Chukwu.

In addition to her duties with the men’s program, Kolinski spent time working out WNBA players Breanna Stewart and Kayla Alexander, and collected mentors like Becky Harmon and Nancy Lieberman, two of the rare female coaches who have earned opportunities in the men’s game.

Kolinski had confidence she could balance the two, the profession she’d spent a decade of her life pursuing and the daughter that would become the most important part of her life.

She did not know what her boss would believe.

The team was in the middle of a 15-14 season. While the record was average it was also a historical success, marking the program’s first winning season in more than two decades (1997-98).

Kolinski had been hired less than a year earlier after serving as a director of basketball operations with the University at Buffalo. She impressed Kia Damon-Olson with her willingness to spend her time on the practice court with players and her focus on skill development. It was something the head coach felt would be critical in bringing along Lafayette’s sophomore point guard Nicole Johnson. It didn’t hurt that she arrived with some thoughts on how to improve Lafayette’s zone defense, which the Leopards mix in.

Kolinski worried about how to break the news.

It turns out, she should have been more worried about the coach’s bedtime.

“She called me and said, ‘Hey, can I come over, I want to talk to you about something,’ ” Damon-Olson said. “Now, if you know me, I’m in bed at 10. So the notion of me getting out of bed at that point is not that exciting. So I said, ‘Just tell me. We can talk about anything.’ So she tells me and I’m like, ‘This is what it’s about? Congratulations. That’s fine. OK, I’ll see you tomorrow.’

“I think in her mind she thought there would be a more animated or negative response. I just don’t see it as an issue at all.”

While Damon-Olson isn’t a mother herself, experience told her any challenges could be canceled out by benefits.

She worked for Coquese Washington, a mother of two, at Penn State for nine years. Another assistant coach on their staff also had two children. Their young children were regulars at practices while the team enjoyed a run of four straight NCAA Tournament appearances, three Big Ten regular-season titles and two Sweet Sixteen appearances.

While some might assume motherhood splits focus, Damon-Olson saw her peers become more goal-oriented and improve their time management. Recruits bonded with both children and coaches. Athletes saw coaches as more complete people, creating deeper relationships.

“I think life is about perspective,” Damon-Olson said. “Some people see a challenge and other people see a deterrent. It’s a matter of what you value and what’s important to you. The things that you value, you find a way to get it done.

“Katie loves coaching. It’s something she’s very passionate about. She’ll be a good mother and a good coach. There isn’t a blueprint to follow on how to do that. You have to create your own pathway. But if you’re committed to doing that, everything will work out fine.”

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The Syracuse men’s basketball team prides itself on being a family, a mantra that Kolinski has always taken to heart.

Now, living in Pennsylvania, that belief has taken on new importance.

Sometimes Kaiya goes to practice but often she stays with a babysitter. One of the best is Damon-Olson’s husband.

The women’s basketball office has been outfitted with a pack-and-play set up. The head coach will sometimes take Kaiya off Kolinski’s hands unprompted during the day announcing “it’s her Kaiya time.” Coaches pacing the court at practice will sometimes push a stroller.

Assistant coach Natalie Jarrett keeps an eye on Kolinski’s social media. Whenever she sees a post indicating the family had a particularly early morning, she tries to stop by and give Kolinski time to focus on herself.

“Sometimes I’ll look and I’ll see she’s been up since 4 a.m,” Jarrett said. “I’ll just tell her I’m heading over and I’m coming for an hour and I’ll watch Kaiya. Some nights she’ll have scout and I’ll just take her for a couple hours ... She’s family to all of us. If she could, she’d probably try do it all by herself, so we don’t give her a choice.”

Jarrett, who has been a coach for nearly two decades at the high school and college levels, said that while plenty of programs accept mothers, Damon-Olson embraces it, easing things for Kolinski by creating a uniquely welcoming environment.

Kolinski also gets some help from Central New York. Her family makes the drive on weekends, when the team is currently playing multiple games during the pandemic. Her Syracuse basketball connections have provided advice on balancing obligations.

Syracuse assistant coaches Gerry McNamara and Adrian Autry shared their experiences as parents. Women’s basketball great Nancy Lieberman, SU trainer Ryan Cabiles and Juli Boeheim have shared advice. Former assistant coach Mike Hopkins, the prince of positivity, provided one of the most inspirational messages.

“He was so excited for me,” Kolinski said. “He said, ‘Just think about this, you get to raise your kid on a college campus. What’s better than that?’ I get to bring her to work every day. How cool is that?”

Kolinski, meanwhile, hasn’t slowed down.

For the first three months of her pregnancy she was still on the floor coaching, participating in live drills as the Leopards found themselves short on players. The players were cautious and worried about hurting their coach. She urged them to play harder.

On road trips she battled nausea, gradually moving from the front of the bus to a spot in the back near the bathroom as time ticked by, seeking out privacy on a vehicle packed with players.

The pregnancy itself was harrowing. She gained 70 pounds. One of her feet permanently grew an extra half-size. She dealt with pre-eclampsia, a condition marked by blood pressure that can cause potential organ damage and be dangerous to mothers and children.

As she passed the anticipated birth date, Kolinski began to feel ill. After being sent home from a hospital in Syracuse, she drove to Rochester to visit an aunt, an OB-GYN.

It was past time.

For two days they tried to induce birth but Kaiya was stuck, eventually requiring a cesarean section. Kaiya was just over 11 pounds when she was born on Aug. 29.

Those scary moments have given way to joy.

Kaiya seems particularly happy when placed on the floor, lying on her stomach in the middle of a circle of Lafayette players as they stretch. Kolinski calls them “14 big sisters.”

During a season in which the coronavirus pandemic has heaped stress on players, Kaiya’s presence has lightened the mood and brought a freshness and playfulness to each day. The team loves trying to teach her to how to dance.

Kolinski, meanwhile, has grown better at asking for help when she needs it. She’s improved her organization. And if she ever needs a reason to keep pursuing her dream, she doesn’t have to look far.

“When you’re tired or you have a long day, you just have to do it,” Kolinski said. “I embrace it. I call it mom mode. Every day I’m in mom mode. I have no choice. You can quit and then, in a few years when she can understand it, tell her why. Or you can make it happen.”

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