Bullying Within the Home Hurts Children With Obesity

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When we use fat-shaming language, we stigmatize ourselves and our children based on weight, shape, or size. This feeling in a child of being disapproved when fat-shamed by parents, friends, classmates, or media images can cause binge eating or other negative eating patterns.

Fat-shaming in the home may also be bullying, a real problem for many children with rapid weight changes. Feeling vulnerable and unsafe because of bullying in the home can increase your child's risk for diabetes, heart disease, and stroke. Fat-shaming can cause children to feel poorly about their bodies and become depressed and stressed.

When our children or we absorb fat-shaming messages, it can shake our confidence and ability to make healthy changes. The shame we feel can turn into blaming ourselves, which can cause us to criticize ourselves because of our weight. In her study of more than 2,400 overweight and obese women, Dr. Rebecca Puhl at the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity found that "79 percent reported coping with weight stigma on multiple occasions by eating more food, and 75 percent reported coping by refusing to diet."

Fat shaming is terrible for your health and does not, as some people believe, motivate people to lose weight. It will not encourage your child to lose weight. It can even cause you or your child to eat more to self-soothe. When we internalize fat-shaming messages, we turn off our rational selves, who know that weight is a complicated issue caused by behavioral, biological, emotional, and environmental factors. When shame burns inside us, we can forget that weight is not a reflection of our or our child's character.

Fighting Off Feelings of Shame

There are a few ways to help yourself and your child fight off the feelings that body-shaming produces. We can set specific and achievable goals to improve our health and be more confident to ignore, deflect or reject people who use fat-shaming language. We can better understand the difference between constructive criticism and shame.

What's the Line Between Constructive Criticism and Shaming?

Your words are offering constructive criticism if:

• If you are choosing words that acknowledge your child's feelings.
• Your goal is to educate your child. Your intention is to teach.
• You are criticizing a behavior, not your child. You are doing so calmly, with kindness, and intending to educate and help your child.

Your words may be shame-based if:

• You are commenting on something a child cannot change, such as their size, body shape, eye color, height, weight, and personality type (shy, cautious, bold, brave, and so on).
• You are commenting on things that are part of a child's identity, such as clothing, hairstyles, makeup, and accessories.
• You are addressing a child's behavior publicly rather than in private.