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Felix Ever After
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Best Young Adult Fiction (2020)From Stonewall and Lambda Award-winning author Kacen Callender comes a revelatory YA novel about a transgender teen grappling with identity and self-discovery while falling in love for the first time.
Felix Love has never been in love—and, yes, he’s painfully aware of the irony. He desperately wants to know what it’s like and why it seems so easy for everyone but him to find someone. What’s worse is that, even though he is proud of his identity, Felix also secretly fears that he’s one marginalization too many—Black, queer, and transgender—to ever get his own happily-ever-after.
When an anonymous student begins sending him transphobic messages—after publicly posting Felix’s deadname alongside images of him before he transitioned—Felix comes up with a plan for revenge. What he didn’t count on: his catfish scenario landing him in a quasi–love triangle....
But as he navigates his complicated feelings, Felix begins a journey of questioning and self-discovery that helps redefine his most important relationship: how he feels about himself.
Felix Ever After is an honest and layered story about identity, falling in love, and recognizing the love you deserve.
Felix Love has never been in love—and, yes, he’s painfully aware of the irony. He desperately wants to know what it’s like and why it seems so easy for everyone but him to find someone. What’s worse is that, even though he is proud of his identity, Felix also secretly fears that he’s one marginalization too many—Black, queer, and transgender—to ever get his own happily-ever-after.
When an anonymous student begins sending him transphobic messages—after publicly posting Felix’s deadname alongside images of him before he transitioned—Felix comes up with a plan for revenge. What he didn’t count on: his catfish scenario landing him in a quasi–love triangle....
But as he navigates his complicated feelings, Felix begins a journey of questioning and self-discovery that helps redefine his most important relationship: how he feels about himself.
Felix Ever After is an honest and layered story about identity, falling in love, and recognizing the love you deserve.
368 pages, Hardcover
First published May 5, 2020
About the author
Kacen Callender
14 books2,376 followersKacen Callender is a Saint Thomian author of children's fiction and fantasy, best known for their Stonewall Book Award and Lambda Literary Award-winning middle grade debut Hurricane Child. Their fantasy novel, Queen of the Conquered, is the 2020 winner of the World Fantasy Award and King and the Dragonflies won the 2020 National Book Award for Young People's Literature.
Callender is Black, queer, trans, and uses they/them and he/him pronouns. Callender debuted their new name when announcing their next young adult novel Felix Ever After in May 2019.
Callender is Black, queer, trans, and uses they/them and he/him pronouns. Callender debuted their new name when announcing their next young adult novel Felix Ever After in May 2019.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 11,580 reviews
August 5, 2022
It is so intoxicating to be so clearly seen by someone else. To look at each other across a gap that had once felt unbridgeable and feel like your whole life is being brought into sharp focus by that moment, a perfect pocket of stillness. Even if that someone else is a book. A book that gives language for the things churning restlessly in your throat, a book that helps you build the kind of vocabulary that makes you feel less alone.
It was intoxicating to feel so clearly seen by Felix Ever After.
To say that I loved this book would be to indulge in criminal understatement. Felix Ever After glowed in my chest, pouring brightness into cavernous lofts inside me that I didn’t even know existed. Still, this wasn’t an easy read by any stretch.
**
Sharp spikes of anger and fear are the heartbeat of this narrative that follows Felix Love—a 17-year-old Black trans boy—down the rabbit hole of his senior year. Felix, a talented visual artist, is vying for a unique slot at Brown University against Declan, a rival classmate and ex-friend, and their competition—and the uncertainty of Felix’s future—perches heavily on Felix’s shoulders. The absence of his mother is another sore topic, and his world continues to limp on without Felix hitting send on his drafted emails to her. To make matters worse, Felix’s relationship with Ezra—which once felt settled, a carefully tended corner of friendship—begins to waver when Ezra starts dating one of their classmates.
But nothing knifes into Felix’s life more swiftly and more viciously than a transphobic act targeting him. Felix is caught in abject horror, spending every day fearing having his deadname and pictures of his pre-transition days sprung on him at every turn, always having to peer around the corner just to make sure. Determined, Felix Love sets out to find the person who’s tormenting him—and to make them pay.
Felix Ever After is a novel that probes achingly at gender identity like it is a loose tooth. It’s an honest and open discussion about how gender identity can be as amorphous and shifting as a cloud caught in the wind, and how a lot of us can feel lost in its wake, with nothing to hold on to, no arms to reach or hands to grip. And as if the journey to understanding our own identity isn’t enough, we must also deal inevitably with all the ways in which it can be perceived and affected by the outside world looking in.
This story felt deeply personal to me in so many ways. Like Felix, I had felt unmoored, spinning, for years. My gender identity sat inside me like an ill-fitting puzzle piece. It fit under my skin like an uncomfortable self that I couldn’t ignore once I acknowledged it. Unlike Felix—who is brave enough to run straight into things rather than barricade himself against them—I did my best to ignore it. And for years, I steadfastly avoided meeting its eyes. I was terrified, that much I know now. I didn’t like that sort of knowledge, how it bubbled up from a source I couldn’t put my finger on. I didn’t like not knowing my own self. In retrospect, I can see now how, in a slow upwelling of despair, I had clung to the idea that ignoring it would diminish it somehow.
But a few months ago, while I was listening to the Penumbra Podcast—an audio drama that centers around a non-binary detective on Mars who uses he/him pronouns but refers to himself as a lady—the politely waiting truth cleared its throat, stepped forward, and reintroduced itself. Fiction has a way of awakening emotions that had lived underground for a long time, and something inside me simply gave way. Non-binary. Here is a word that felt true as I said it, that felt as though it had always been true, and had only needed knowing. Only this time, it was as easy as wishing. I felt my heart take root in my body, and though I was still terrified—I still am, sometimes, the world is a wretched place when you dare to be different—a serene certainty sang in me. For the first time in so many years I feel like I have a firm grip on myself, like all my tethers are once again drawn taut. Kacen Callendar—who talks in their author’s note about the episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation that had changed their life—understands this so acutely, and they press their experience into a novel that’s, in so many senses, a grateful nod and a celebration of the transformative effect of fiction.
But while the novel presses, companionably, like a palm against the reader’s back, its hero is no stranger to loneliness.
Felix’s brand of loneliness is heartbreaking. Unlike Ezra, Felix’s best friend, who can walk into a crowd of strangers and walk out with a group of friends, Felix has a habit of always sinking into himself, and like most habits, this one was hard to break. Keeping everyone at arm’s length becomes Felix’s way of girding himself against the fear that he would one day offer his heart, only to be told it wasn’t as precious as he had thought it to be. So he makes a silent plea in his head—to love and be loved, to be enough—even when it felt unattainable. Because at the bottom of that fear was Felix’s conviction that he wasn’t worthy of a love that came softly, of a love that wasn’t violence, and that every path he took to it would always be laid with agony.
But that was just being caught out of life, and Felix’s journey of learning to trust the wild, impossible sweetness of placing your love in the safe deposit of someone else’s heart, of letting them see you in all the ways that you are messy and hurt and lost and all the ways they made you want to be better, of accepting that you, in your entirety, are loveable, that you are enough, that you are worthy—it filled me with a pure, aching joy.
All in all, Felix Ever After is a blisteringly honest and reverent book. Kacen Callendar writes their story like they’re facing it head-on, sinking deep, never cruising past anything—and the novel is all that much better for it. I hope every queer teen—and every queer adult, for the novel’s themes transcend its categorization—find their way to it, so they too might sink into its steady warmth, like a blanket drawn around their shoulders.
It was intoxicating to feel so clearly seen by Felix Ever After.
To say that I loved this book would be to indulge in criminal understatement. Felix Ever After glowed in my chest, pouring brightness into cavernous lofts inside me that I didn’t even know existed. Still, this wasn’t an easy read by any stretch.
**
Sharp spikes of anger and fear are the heartbeat of this narrative that follows Felix Love—a 17-year-old Black trans boy—down the rabbit hole of his senior year. Felix, a talented visual artist, is vying for a unique slot at Brown University against Declan, a rival classmate and ex-friend, and their competition—and the uncertainty of Felix’s future—perches heavily on Felix’s shoulders. The absence of his mother is another sore topic, and his world continues to limp on without Felix hitting send on his drafted emails to her. To make matters worse, Felix’s relationship with Ezra—which once felt settled, a carefully tended corner of friendship—begins to waver when Ezra starts dating one of their classmates.
But nothing knifes into Felix’s life more swiftly and more viciously than a transphobic act targeting him. Felix is caught in abject horror, spending every day fearing having his deadname and pictures of his pre-transition days sprung on him at every turn, always having to peer around the corner just to make sure. Determined, Felix Love sets out to find the person who’s tormenting him—and to make them pay.
I am Felix. No one else gets to define who I am. Only me.
Felix Ever After is a novel that probes achingly at gender identity like it is a loose tooth. It’s an honest and open discussion about how gender identity can be as amorphous and shifting as a cloud caught in the wind, and how a lot of us can feel lost in its wake, with nothing to hold on to, no arms to reach or hands to grip. And as if the journey to understanding our own identity isn’t enough, we must also deal inevitably with all the ways in which it can be perceived and affected by the outside world looking in.
This story felt deeply personal to me in so many ways. Like Felix, I had felt unmoored, spinning, for years. My gender identity sat inside me like an ill-fitting puzzle piece. It fit under my skin like an uncomfortable self that I couldn’t ignore once I acknowledged it. Unlike Felix—who is brave enough to run straight into things rather than barricade himself against them—I did my best to ignore it. And for years, I steadfastly avoided meeting its eyes. I was terrified, that much I know now. I didn’t like that sort of knowledge, how it bubbled up from a source I couldn’t put my finger on. I didn’t like not knowing my own self. In retrospect, I can see now how, in a slow upwelling of despair, I had clung to the idea that ignoring it would diminish it somehow.
But a few months ago, while I was listening to the Penumbra Podcast—an audio drama that centers around a non-binary detective on Mars who uses he/him pronouns but refers to himself as a lady—the politely waiting truth cleared its throat, stepped forward, and reintroduced itself. Fiction has a way of awakening emotions that had lived underground for a long time, and something inside me simply gave way. Non-binary. Here is a word that felt true as I said it, that felt as though it had always been true, and had only needed knowing. Only this time, it was as easy as wishing. I felt my heart take root in my body, and though I was still terrified—I still am, sometimes, the world is a wretched place when you dare to be different—a serene certainty sang in me. For the first time in so many years I feel like I have a firm grip on myself, like all my tethers are once again drawn taut. Kacen Callendar—who talks in their author’s note about the episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation that had changed their life—understands this so acutely, and they press their experience into a novel that’s, in so many senses, a grateful nod and a celebration of the transformative effect of fiction.
“I’m not flaunting anything. I’m just existing. This is me. I can’t hide myself. I can’t disappear. And even if I could, I don’t fucking want to. I have the same right to be here. I have the same right to exist.”
But while the novel presses, companionably, like a palm against the reader’s back, its hero is no stranger to loneliness.
Felix’s brand of loneliness is heartbreaking. Unlike Ezra, Felix’s best friend, who can walk into a crowd of strangers and walk out with a group of friends, Felix has a habit of always sinking into himself, and like most habits, this one was hard to break. Keeping everyone at arm’s length becomes Felix’s way of girding himself against the fear that he would one day offer his heart, only to be told it wasn’t as precious as he had thought it to be. So he makes a silent plea in his head—to love and be loved, to be enough—even when it felt unattainable. Because at the bottom of that fear was Felix’s conviction that he wasn’t worthy of a love that came softly, of a love that wasn’t violence, and that every path he took to it would always be laid with agony.
But that was just being caught out of life, and Felix’s journey of learning to trust the wild, impossible sweetness of placing your love in the safe deposit of someone else’s heart, of letting them see you in all the ways that you are messy and hurt and lost and all the ways they made you want to be better, of accepting that you, in your entirety, are loveable, that you are enough, that you are worthy—it filled me with a pure, aching joy.
“It can be easier, sometimes, to choose to love someone you know won’t return your feelings. At least you know how that will end. It’s easier to accept hurt and pain, sometimes, than love and acceptance. It’s the real, loving relationships that can be the scariest.”
All in all, Felix Ever After is a blisteringly honest and reverent book. Kacen Callendar writes their story like they’re facing it head-on, sinking deep, never cruising past anything—and the novel is all that much better for it. I hope every queer teen—and every queer adult, for the novel’s themes transcend its categorization—find their way to it, so they too might sink into its steady warmth, like a blanket drawn around their shoulders.
November 25, 2020
***read for YA lit course***
i’m really thrilled i got the chance to read this for class, because i’ve been meaning to get to it for months. as we know, i don’t rate school books, but i’ve gotta say: this is a gem of a story & the hype is not undeserved! u should read it!!
i’m really thrilled i got the chance to read this for class, because i’ve been meaning to get to it for months. as we know, i don’t rate school books, but i’ve gotta say: this is a gem of a story & the hype is not undeserved! u should read it!!
Read
June 16, 2020I loved this so much.
September 23, 2021
I would sell my soul to read this for the first time again !♥️
June 20, 2020
So overwhelmed with love for this cover with a queer poc main character with top surgery scars. It's so visible and incredible I can't handle it.
Update 6/20/20:
Wow. Wow wow wow. There is such a scope of emotion here that it all overwhelms me. This is the messy queer book that I have needed desperately. It is sad and it is fierce and it is funny and it is hopeful and it is so full of love and full of forgiveness and fucking up and learning from it all. It’s a masterpiece.
Update 6/20/20:
Wow. Wow wow wow. There is such a scope of emotion here that it all overwhelms me. This is the messy queer book that I have needed desperately. It is sad and it is fierce and it is funny and it is hopeful and it is so full of love and full of forgiveness and fucking up and learning from it all. It’s a masterpiece.
July 2, 2022
I just can't quit YA.
Try as I might to rebrand to an Intellectual Adult, whose favorite genre is Literary Fiction and whose to-read list is filled with international award-winners and dusty classics, I can never quite fully get there.
Because, in an example of great tragedy and unfairness, only YA has books like this one.
Books with effortless diversity and effortful representation and casts of characters that reflect what people really look like and are. And also, yes, really pretty covers with flowers on them.
So until general fiction can catch up to the work of authors like Kacen Callender...
Catch me reading like a fifteen year old for the foreseeable future.
Bottom line: This book is wrenching and difficult and 100% worth the read.
----------------
pre-review
um. ouch.
review to come / 4 stars (like 4.25?? i don't know)
----------------
currently-reading updates
do NOT be fooled by the pretty cover: this book is sad and stressful.
but in a good way. probably.
----------------
tbr review
look at me. look me in the eyes.
ALL OF THE BOOKS WITH BEAUTIFUL FLOWER PEOPLE ON THE COVER.
i will read all of them.
Try as I might to rebrand to an Intellectual Adult, whose favorite genre is Literary Fiction and whose to-read list is filled with international award-winners and dusty classics, I can never quite fully get there.
Because, in an example of great tragedy and unfairness, only YA has books like this one.
Books with effortless diversity and effortful representation and casts of characters that reflect what people really look like and are. And also, yes, really pretty covers with flowers on them.
So until general fiction can catch up to the work of authors like Kacen Callender...
Catch me reading like a fifteen year old for the foreseeable future.
Bottom line: This book is wrenching and difficult and 100% worth the read.
----------------
pre-review
um. ouch.
review to come / 4 stars (like 4.25?? i don't know)
----------------
currently-reading updates
do NOT be fooled by the pretty cover: this book is sad and stressful.
but in a good way. probably.
----------------
tbr review
look at me. look me in the eyes.
ALL OF THE BOOKS WITH BEAUTIFUL FLOWER PEOPLE ON THE COVER.
i will read all of them.
June 30, 2021
3.8 Generalnie mega spoko książka
May 8, 2024
Felix Ever After offers up a cornucopia of queer identities and was so incredibly moving, beginning to end.
I had to take a time out before I could even consider writing a review for this diverse YA Contemporary.
This novel is everything right now. It is everything I needed and it is certainly everything the world needs.
I've been trying to figure out why this one touched me so deeply and all I can say is, Felix Love. Felix Love who wants to know love, but first needs to learn he is worthy of love.
Felix Ever After is told, as you may expect, completely from Felix's perspective. Getting to read his deepest inner thoughts, particularly the thoughts he would most likely never say aloud to anyone, was so raw and real.
Felix is busy attending a summer arts program at his high school. While the school has a lot of diversity, he still faces personal attacks and acts of transphobia from the very beginning of the story.
I will say, Callender does not shy away from how brutal and painful such acts are, so if you think this may effect your mental health and wellness, tread carefully.
It hurts to read, but I think it is so important for people to face. So important. This whole book is so damn important.
After a fellow student creates a gallery listing Felix's deadname, along with photos of him before his transition, he is rightly shattered. How could someone do this? Why?
He vows to find the person responsible and make them pay. Along with his best friend, Ezrah, Felix sets out to do just that. For a while, Ez is on board, but eventually Felix goes rogue and continues his revenge plot on his own.
There were times when I wanted to scream at Felix, to stop him from making hurtful choices, but he is a teen, acting out of anger and in a way, fear. I also wanted to hug him super tight.
I had to remember, oh yeah, I was a teen once and I totally would have plotted revenge day and night if someone did to me what was done to him.
In addition to all of the stressful things happening to Felix at school, and via social media, he is also still questioning his identity.
He utilizes local resources to learn more about himself and his feelings. I thought that was such an important detail, showing him reaching out to others in the community that may help him, or provide illumination, on the questions he has.
I think for Felix, it lifted a huge weight off of him, when he realized he wasn't alone. No matter what he was going through personally, he was connected to many others who were, at the end of the day, fighting very similar battles.
I feel like I could babble on about the minutiae of this story for decades, but I wouldn't do that to you. In short, READ THIS FREAKING BOOK!!
Also, gender fluidity. Chef's kiss. So well done. Okay, okay, that's it. I'm officially done.
P.S. READ IT!!!
I had to take a time out before I could even consider writing a review for this diverse YA Contemporary.
This novel is everything right now. It is everything I needed and it is certainly everything the world needs.
I've been trying to figure out why this one touched me so deeply and all I can say is, Felix Love. Felix Love who wants to know love, but first needs to learn he is worthy of love.
Felix Ever After is told, as you may expect, completely from Felix's perspective. Getting to read his deepest inner thoughts, particularly the thoughts he would most likely never say aloud to anyone, was so raw and real.
Felix is busy attending a summer arts program at his high school. While the school has a lot of diversity, he still faces personal attacks and acts of transphobia from the very beginning of the story.
I will say, Callender does not shy away from how brutal and painful such acts are, so if you think this may effect your mental health and wellness, tread carefully.
It hurts to read, but I think it is so important for people to face. So important. This whole book is so damn important.
After a fellow student creates a gallery listing Felix's deadname, along with photos of him before his transition, he is rightly shattered. How could someone do this? Why?
He vows to find the person responsible and make them pay. Along with his best friend, Ezrah, Felix sets out to do just that. For a while, Ez is on board, but eventually Felix goes rogue and continues his revenge plot on his own.
There were times when I wanted to scream at Felix, to stop him from making hurtful choices, but he is a teen, acting out of anger and in a way, fear. I also wanted to hug him super tight.
I had to remember, oh yeah, I was a teen once and I totally would have plotted revenge day and night if someone did to me what was done to him.
In addition to all of the stressful things happening to Felix at school, and via social media, he is also still questioning his identity.
He utilizes local resources to learn more about himself and his feelings. I thought that was such an important detail, showing him reaching out to others in the community that may help him, or provide illumination, on the questions he has.
I think for Felix, it lifted a huge weight off of him, when he realized he wasn't alone. No matter what he was going through personally, he was connected to many others who were, at the end of the day, fighting very similar battles.
I feel like I could babble on about the minutiae of this story for decades, but I wouldn't do that to you. In short, READ THIS FREAKING BOOK!!
Also, gender fluidity. Chef's kiss. So well done. Okay, okay, that's it. I'm officially done.
P.S. READ IT!!!
June 19, 2020
Hello this book was perfect and messy and sweet and queer and I loved it so, so, SO much.
TW: transphobia, being outed, cyber-bullying
TW: transphobia, being outed, cyber-bullying
June 6, 2021
Reread June 5th 2021 Review: Loved this just as much, the second time around! Just such a stunning book!
First time reading 11th June 2020 Review:
If you liked Simon Vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda, you’ll love Felix Ever After!
This book is going to be a new favorite of mine, I just loved it so much! I absolutely loved the characters, Felix, Ezra and Leah being my favorites. This book also has so much LGBTQIA+ representation, which I loved. I loved the discussions on being transgender and also Felix’s journey with self identity. The book is also set during pride month and the romance is absolutely adorable!
I don’t think I have anything negative to say about this book, it was just amazing! Highly recommend that you pick it up!
I also read this during a 24 hour readathon and you can check it out here, if you’d like to hear more of my thoughts: https://youtu.be/_xMcY58rFaw
First time reading 11th June 2020 Review:
If you liked Simon Vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda, you’ll love Felix Ever After!
This book is going to be a new favorite of mine, I just loved it so much! I absolutely loved the characters, Felix, Ezra and Leah being my favorites. This book also has so much LGBTQIA+ representation, which I loved. I loved the discussions on being transgender and also Felix’s journey with self identity. The book is also set during pride month and the romance is absolutely adorable!
I don’t think I have anything negative to say about this book, it was just amazing! Highly recommend that you pick it up!
I also read this during a 24 hour readathon and you can check it out here, if you’d like to hear more of my thoughts: https://youtu.be/_xMcY58rFaw
May 24, 2021
My emotions are everywhere! Such a powerful story about identity, friendship, family, self discovery with realistic characterization!
Felix Love wants to experience the true love! He wants to reflect those intimate feelings for creating more passionate art works! He is 17 years old who is chasing his dream to get approval from Brown University to study art! His competitor is Declan, an d friend of his. Now they became strangers because of the choices he made. Most of his friends didn’t understand him.
Felix doesn’t want to live with labels such as transgender, queer, black. He has been already trying to define himself ,find his identity. Only Ezra’s friendship keeps his life in balance, he already lost too much, missing his mother! But after Ezra starts dating he feels much lonelier than ever!
And a transphobic act at the school changes his life completely! Somebody shared his pre-transition photos with his deadname. This horrifying act brings out his anger, resentment, sadness he has been bottling up for years. Nobody has any right to criticize who he is so he starts working on his revenge plan which drags him into a surprising love triangle.
I honestly say this book is truly intense! It is truly emotional, genuine, poignant, sad, heartbreaking. So many times I hear my sobs or I realize tears keep dripping down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop. I think the flawed, honest characters affected me a lot. They made so many mistakes, hurt each other, kept apologizing to start again. They were real, they were heartbroken and they were so easy to resonate with.
I loved to read Felix’s journey, his mistakes, his first love, his sadness and loneliness, his search to find his true identity. It’s one of the powerful, thought provocative, extremely heartfelt story I’ve read in this year and I’m so happy to read it!
Felix Love wants to experience the true love! He wants to reflect those intimate feelings for creating more passionate art works! He is 17 years old who is chasing his dream to get approval from Brown University to study art! His competitor is Declan, an d friend of his. Now they became strangers because of the choices he made. Most of his friends didn’t understand him.
Felix doesn’t want to live with labels such as transgender, queer, black. He has been already trying to define himself ,find his identity. Only Ezra’s friendship keeps his life in balance, he already lost too much, missing his mother! But after Ezra starts dating he feels much lonelier than ever!
And a transphobic act at the school changes his life completely! Somebody shared his pre-transition photos with his deadname. This horrifying act brings out his anger, resentment, sadness he has been bottling up for years. Nobody has any right to criticize who he is so he starts working on his revenge plan which drags him into a surprising love triangle.
I honestly say this book is truly intense! It is truly emotional, genuine, poignant, sad, heartbreaking. So many times I hear my sobs or I realize tears keep dripping down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop. I think the flawed, honest characters affected me a lot. They made so many mistakes, hurt each other, kept apologizing to start again. They were real, they were heartbroken and they were so easy to resonate with.
I loved to read Felix’s journey, his mistakes, his first love, his sadness and loneliness, his search to find his true identity. It’s one of the powerful, thought provocative, extremely heartfelt story I’ve read in this year and I’m so happy to read it!
March 14, 2021
still not over this going to be on tv
----
I have a solid feeling Felix Ever After will be my favorite book of 2020.
Ever since I read the synopsis of this book, my expectations for it were soaring, and after reading it my love for it was even higher. Felix Ever After was such a joy to read, but it also felt as if each page wrapped around my heart and saw the deepest corners of my soul. Sometimes, I feel as if this book was written just for me, as a nonbinary queer Black person.
So, in this review, I’ll be discussing why I loved this book so much, but also how my love for it closely binds with the identities and experiences I shared with the main character, and even others. Approaching this review was something for me, that took a lot: I feel as if I’m maybe oversharing too much even, but I think talking about my personal experiences is necessary to convey my love for this book.
If I had to do one thing for the rest of my life, it would have to be to get everyone to read Felix Ever After. I adored every single page of it, and initially finishing it I was rendered speechless, and I still almost am. I saw myself in so much of this book, and also enjoyed every single page of it.
Felix is such a character I would regard as one of my favorites, because while I loved his personality and cherished him so much, he’s a character I saw myself completely in. One of the first major events which occurs in this book is Felix discovering a fellow student at his prestigious arts high school put up a gallery of pictures of him pre-transition with his deadname on it, and the rest of this book revolves around him getting back at the perpetrator of this horrific situation. While thankfully—nothing of this extent has happened to me personally, I related so much with him. As Felix is Black, queer, and trans, it’s not hard to feel that sometimes, the whole world is against him, and it’s exactly how I feel as well. While this is mostly a happy book, something I’m glad about, Felix gets so much shit for just existing, and from every corner of his life. As someone who is closeted in real life, it not even being an option for me to be otherwise, I identified so much with the daily things he had to endure.
One of the things I loved about this book was how it portrayed unsupportive parents of queer and trans youth. I feel as if the former is a weird thing to remark on, but it’s unfortunately a reality for so many people. Even though something I do wish this book had were parents who were completely loving and supportive—while not all are downright homophobic and transphobic, there weren’t any who were initially completely accepting of their children—but, this does reflect the world we live in, especially one I do. I won’t go into specifics with the character I’m talking about, because then it’ll start going into spoiler territory, but there’s one character I related to a lot with how their parents’ feelings on their queerness.
Like mine, they have parents who believe their religion makes up queerness as something abhorrent and abnormal, their parents treating them accordingly; and as the book mentions:
I will never be able to be myself to my family due to their internalized beliefs, and therefore have to face constant homophobia (against others and in general, because I am not out) and misgendering daily. I always wish this wasn’t the case, that I could have parents and family who would love me no matter what, but it’s a reality I’ve become accustomed to.
Also, throughout this book, Felix also questions his gender frequently—he is sure he isn’t a girl, but doesn’t 100% identify completely as male or nonbinary, and later realizes he is a demiboy. Although I am not, though on the trans spectrum, I closely related to his constant feeling of uncertainty concerning gender identity and being queer. I feel as if the media paints realizing gender identity or queerness as this single moment, an epiphany of “this is what I am” so easily, and while it is like that for some people, sometimes the experience is completely opposite and it’s such a struggle. This book conveyed those feelings so perfectly and it’s one of the things I loved so much about it.
This book also highlights that not having a label in the sense of gender and queer identity is completely okay and commonplace, while also acknowledging that labels are important for many, and customarily give a sense of clarity, knowing there are other people just like you. While it mentions this many times, here’s one quote I loved regarding it:
And along with this, it also discusses how even though queer spaces are important and needed, especially for youth, they can sometimes be overwhelming and even feel unwelcoming. This is a pretty minor thing, but I really did want to mention it as it’s something I related with so much. (I also loved how Felix’s deadname is never on-page, I feel as if it’s the opposite for every other trans YA book.)
But with all I’ve mentioned previously, this book is a constant reminder that even though the world seems to be against us who are queer, of color, and trans, we still manage to live remorseless and proud. Pretty much every major and minor character in this book is queer, and many are POC, and there are so many happy queer scenes it fills my heart to think about. The romance(s) in this book is everything, and this book made me feel so joyful. I just loved reading about Felix and all of his moments of mirth, and aside from all the heavy aspects of Felix Ever After, it’s a book which will keep you smiling and invested throughout.
And I can’t believe I have to ever end this review at one point, I want to talk about this book and praise it for eternity, but I will close it with this: I adored Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender. It’s such a singular book, and when I say I want every single person in the world, especially queer, trans, and Black youth, to read it, I’m not exaggerating in the slightest. I saw myself in every part of it, as well—reading it felt like it was a book written exactly for me, and it even was, in a way. But, it’s also a book I had so much fun reading. I was smiling so hard throughout it, and so much things about this book gave me an endless joy – I have over 5 thousand words of quotes from it. This is one of the longest reviews I have ever wrote, and I hope it’ll convince you to read Felix Ever After if you haven’t yet. If it’s the only good thing I’d ever make out of being a book blogger, I’d be proud.
representation: Black queer demiboy main character (ownvoices) w/ biracial Black Bengali LI, gay Black biracial prominent character, lesbian prominent characters, gay prominent character, various other queer + POC characters
content warnings: homophobia, transphobia, racism, parental abuse and neglect, frequent drug and alcohol use, ableist language
I received an e-ARC of this book from Balzer + Bray, a HarperCollins imprint, via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.
----
I have a solid feeling Felix Ever After will be my favorite book of 2020.
Ever since I read the synopsis of this book, my expectations for it were soaring, and after reading it my love for it was even higher. Felix Ever After was such a joy to read, but it also felt as if each page wrapped around my heart and saw the deepest corners of my soul. Sometimes, I feel as if this book was written just for me, as a nonbinary queer Black person.
So, in this review, I’ll be discussing why I loved this book so much, but also how my love for it closely binds with the identities and experiences I shared with the main character, and even others. Approaching this review was something for me, that took a lot: I feel as if I’m maybe oversharing too much even, but I think talking about my personal experiences is necessary to convey my love for this book.
If I had to do one thing for the rest of my life, it would have to be to get everyone to read Felix Ever After. I adored every single page of it, and initially finishing it I was rendered speechless, and I still almost am. I saw myself in so much of this book, and also enjoyed every single page of it.
Felix is such a character I would regard as one of my favorites, because while I loved his personality and cherished him so much, he’s a character I saw myself completely in. One of the first major events which occurs in this book is Felix discovering a fellow student at his prestigious arts high school put up a gallery of pictures of him pre-transition with his deadname on it, and the rest of this book revolves around him getting back at the perpetrator of this horrific situation. While thankfully—nothing of this extent has happened to me personally, I related so much with him. As Felix is Black, queer, and trans, it’s not hard to feel that sometimes, the whole world is against him, and it’s exactly how I feel as well. While this is mostly a happy book, something I’m glad about, Felix gets so much shit for just existing, and from every corner of his life. As someone who is closeted in real life, it not even being an option for me to be otherwise, I identified so much with the daily things he had to endure.
One of the things I loved about this book was how it portrayed unsupportive parents of queer and trans youth. I feel as if the former is a weird thing to remark on, but it’s unfortunately a reality for so many people. Even though something I do wish this book had were parents who were completely loving and supportive—while not all are downright homophobic and transphobic, there weren’t any who were initially completely accepting of their children—but, this does reflect the world we live in, especially one I do. I won’t go into specifics with the character I’m talking about, because then it’ll start going into spoiler territory, but there’s one character I related to a lot with how their parents’ feelings on their queerness.
Like mine, they have parents who believe their religion makes up queerness as something abhorrent and abnormal, their parents treating them accordingly; and as the book mentions:
“My dad is hardcore Catholic. I used to hope that he’d decide to change his mind—that he could accept me, because I was his [child]. And then I’d laugh at myself. Like, how fucking arrogant is that? Expecting my dad to love me more than he loves God.”
I will never be able to be myself to my family due to their internalized beliefs, and therefore have to face constant homophobia (against others and in general, because I am not out) and misgendering daily. I always wish this wasn’t the case, that I could have parents and family who would love me no matter what, but it’s a reality I’ve become accustomed to.
Also, throughout this book, Felix also questions his gender frequently—he is sure he isn’t a girl, but doesn’t 100% identify completely as male or nonbinary, and later realizes he is a demiboy. Although I am not, though on the trans spectrum, I closely related to his constant feeling of uncertainty concerning gender identity and being queer. I feel as if the media paints realizing gender identity or queerness as this single moment, an epiphany of “this is what I am” so easily, and while it is like that for some people, sometimes the experience is completely opposite and it’s such a struggle. This book conveyed those feelings so perfectly and it’s one of the things I loved so much about it.
This book also highlights that not having a label in the sense of gender and queer identity is completely okay and commonplace, while also acknowledging that labels are important for many, and customarily give a sense of clarity, knowing there are other people just like you. While it mentions this many times, here’s one quote I loved regarding it:
He shrugs with a smile. “I honestly don’t care that much about labels. I mean, I know they’re important to a lot of people, and I can see why—I’m not knocking them. It’s just . . . I kind of wish we could exist without having to worry about putting ourselves into categories. If there were no straight people, no violence or abuse or homophobia or anything, would we even need labels, or would we just be? Sometimes I wonder if labels can get in the way. Like, if I was adamant that I’m straight, does that force me into only liking girls? What if that’d stopped me from falling in love with a guy? I don’t know,” he says again. “I get that labels can be important.”
“They connect us. They help create community,” Leah says. “I can see what you’re saying. If the world was perfect, maybe we wouldn’t need labels. But the world isn’t perfect, and labels can really be a source of pride—especially when we’ve got to deal with so much crap. I’m really freaking proud to be a lesbian.”
And along with this, it also discusses how even though queer spaces are important and needed, especially for youth, they can sometimes be overwhelming and even feel unwelcoming. This is a pretty minor thing, but I really did want to mention it as it’s something I related with so much. (I also loved how Felix’s deadname is never on-page, I feel as if it’s the opposite for every other trans YA book.)
But with all I’ve mentioned previously, this book is a constant reminder that even though the world seems to be against us who are queer, of color, and trans, we still manage to live remorseless and proud. Pretty much every major and minor character in this book is queer, and many are POC, and there are so many happy queer scenes it fills my heart to think about. The romance(s) in this book is everything, and this book made me feel so joyful. I just loved reading about Felix and all of his moments of mirth, and aside from all the heavy aspects of Felix Ever After, it’s a book which will keep you smiling and invested throughout.
“I was hurt this summer, hurt more than I thought I ever could be. It could’ve been easy to say I was hurt because I’m trans, because someone singled me out for my identity, but there’s something weird about that—something off, about suggesting that my identity is the thing that brought me any sort of pain. It’s the opposite. Being trans brings me love. It brings me happiness. It gives me power.” Ezra’s biting his lip as he grins at me. I shrug a little. “It makes me feel like I’m a god. I wouldn’t change myself for anything.”
And I can’t believe I have to ever end this review at one point, I want to talk about this book and praise it for eternity, but I will close it with this: I adored Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender. It’s such a singular book, and when I say I want every single person in the world, especially queer, trans, and Black youth, to read it, I’m not exaggerating in the slightest. I saw myself in every part of it, as well—reading it felt like it was a book written exactly for me, and it even was, in a way. But, it’s also a book I had so much fun reading. I was smiling so hard throughout it, and so much things about this book gave me an endless joy – I have over 5 thousand words of quotes from it. This is one of the longest reviews I have ever wrote, and I hope it’ll convince you to read Felix Ever After if you haven’t yet. If it’s the only good thing I’d ever make out of being a book blogger, I’d be proud.
representation: Black queer demiboy main character (ownvoices) w/ biracial Black Bengali LI, gay Black biracial prominent character, lesbian prominent characters, gay prominent character, various other queer + POC characters
content warnings: homophobia, transphobia, racism, parental abuse and neglect, frequent drug and alcohol use, ableist language
I received an e-ARC of this book from Balzer + Bray, a HarperCollins imprint, via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.
October 7, 2021
look up TWs
i cant put into words how much i loved this book. this book is literally made for every kind of person. i saw so much of myself within the plot and characters. felix deserves the world and i will die on this hill. this book DELIVERED and gave more ❤️❤️❤️ i legit sat here crying reading this because of how phenomenal it is
i cant put into words how much i loved this book. this book is literally made for every kind of person. i saw so much of myself within the plot and characters. felix deserves the world and i will die on this hill. this book DELIVERED and gave more ❤️❤️❤️ i legit sat here crying reading this because of how phenomenal it is
July 26, 2020
I know this book is important to a lot of people. Not only it represents trans people out there in the world, but it also shows and deals with a lot of important topics such as being queer, transphobic and racist people and behavior, gender identity and so on.
But for me the MAIN problem with this book was Felix.
He was so selfish, self-centered, egoistic, spoiled (in his own way) and immature that I can´t even tell you how much of a headache he was.
The way that he treated other people and their feelings and problems (such as Ezra, Declan and his father) was DEFINITELY NOT OKAY
He only thought his problems were valid.
He couldn´t see other people´s perspective or what they must be going through.
For him, every single human being that appeared was a one dimensional character
He said over and over again how much he wanted to go to Brown and how hard he worked but there he was getting high over and over again, coming late to classes, not applying to his work, getting late and on and on.
And the way that he thought he was the center of the universe and only his feelings mattered.
I just have to say that DECLAN AND EZRA DESERVE BETTER.
Not only his personality was trash but he didn´t showed any kind of growth.
When he finally would show some kind of change in his behaviour, after maybe 9 pages or so he would do or say something stupid all over again.
Back to the immature routs
So I get the importance of the portrait of non-binary and transgender black people out there. IT´S ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT FOR A BOOK WITH A PREMISE LIKE THIS TO BE OUT THERE.
But the question that remains is : shouldn´t this book feature more developed characters than those prick group of teens ?
I´m pissed, I´m disappointed as fuck and I simply don´t get why all the people in this world are raving about this book and giving it 5 stars when the premise of it didn´t match what was inside of it.
But for me the MAIN problem with this book was Felix.
He was so selfish, self-centered, egoistic, spoiled (in his own way) and immature that I can´t even tell you how much of a headache he was.
The way that he treated other people and their feelings and problems (such as Ezra, Declan and his father) was DEFINITELY NOT OKAY
He only thought his problems were valid.
He couldn´t see other people´s perspective or what they must be going through.
For him, every single human being that appeared was a one dimensional character
He said over and over again how much he wanted to go to Brown and how hard he worked but there he was getting high over and over again, coming late to classes, not applying to his work, getting late and on and on.
And the way that he thought he was the center of the universe and only his feelings mattered.
I just have to say that DECLAN AND EZRA DESERVE BETTER.
Not only his personality was trash but he didn´t showed any kind of growth.
When he finally would show some kind of change in his behaviour, after maybe 9 pages or so he would do or say something stupid all over again.
Back to the immature routs
So I get the importance of the portrait of non-binary and transgender black people out there. IT´S ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT FOR A BOOK WITH A PREMISE LIKE THIS TO BE OUT THERE.
But the question that remains is : shouldn´t this book feature more developed characters than those prick group of teens ?
I´m pissed, I´m disappointed as fuck and I simply don´t get why all the people in this world are raving about this book and giving it 5 stars when the premise of it didn´t match what was inside of it.
July 26, 2021
Jedna z lepszych młodzieżówek! Mimo irytującego głównego bohatera, nie mogłam się oderwać.
January 29, 2021
“But, just because we loved each other, doesn't mean we were meant to be together.
And just because you loved one, doesn't mean you can't love another.”
It cannot be said often enough: Boys with flower crowns on book covers are my ultimate weakness. This needs to be a thing.
The hype is very real for this one. Rave reviews everywhere, all my mutuals praising it in their bookstagram posts - reader, I was scared. But I didn't have to be because I flew through this book. There are some really important messages in there for teenagers everywhere. It also wouldn't hurt the majority of adults to pick this up as well. It's a story about questioning yourself and your identity, about finding strength in a world that is set up for you to fail, it's about love and trust and friendship.
What I particularly loved about this novel is that it allows its characters to be messy. Growing up is emotional enough as it is but if you add being trans and Black to that equation, stuff gets tougher. Felix experiences microagressions, bullying and abuse on a daily basis. You can't expect a human being to always be kind and understanding when they try to juggle so many things at the same time. But it also teaches that it's okay to mess up as long as you're willing to swallow your pride, to admit your mistakes and apologise. So yeah, most characters in this book are super flawed, some to the point of being unlikeable but I do have a sweet spot for Ezra and Leah.
There were only a few things I didn't love: The constant HP references. The fact that Felix and Ezra were always late, often skipped classes and seemed committed to miss every single deadline (that stuff gives me anxiety, I'm not even kidding). And while I was often frustrated/angry/sad, it didn't hit me quite as hard as I thought it would. I was also lead astray by the book being marketed as a romcom when it centred neither romance nor comedy.
At the end of the day this is an incredibly important novel - the fact alone that we have a joyful, Black, trans character with visible scars on the cover makes me want to kiss someone. The underrepresentation of BIPOC & queer characters in YA is a serious issue that tells us just how far publishing still has to go. So for Felix to shine this brightly proves that marginalised voices are worth being heard AND can create commercial success even though everyone keeps telling us otherwise.
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And just because you loved one, doesn't mean you can't love another.”
It cannot be said often enough: Boys with flower crowns on book covers are my ultimate weakness. This needs to be a thing.
The hype is very real for this one. Rave reviews everywhere, all my mutuals praising it in their bookstagram posts - reader, I was scared. But I didn't have to be because I flew through this book. There are some really important messages in there for teenagers everywhere. It also wouldn't hurt the majority of adults to pick this up as well. It's a story about questioning yourself and your identity, about finding strength in a world that is set up for you to fail, it's about love and trust and friendship.
What I particularly loved about this novel is that it allows its characters to be messy. Growing up is emotional enough as it is but if you add being trans and Black to that equation, stuff gets tougher. Felix experiences microagressions, bullying and abuse on a daily basis. You can't expect a human being to always be kind and understanding when they try to juggle so many things at the same time. But it also teaches that it's okay to mess up as long as you're willing to swallow your pride, to admit your mistakes and apologise. So yeah, most characters in this book are super flawed, some to the point of being unlikeable but I do have a sweet spot for Ezra and Leah.
There were only a few things I didn't love: The constant HP references. The fact that Felix and Ezra were always late, often skipped classes and seemed committed to miss every single deadline (that stuff gives me anxiety, I'm not even kidding). And while I was often frustrated/angry/sad, it didn't hit me quite as hard as I thought it would. I was also lead astray by the book being marketed as a romcom when it centred neither romance nor comedy.
At the end of the day this is an incredibly important novel - the fact alone that we have a joyful, Black, trans character with visible scars on the cover makes me want to kiss someone. The underrepresentation of BIPOC & queer characters in YA is a serious issue that tells us just how far publishing still has to go. So for Felix to shine this brightly proves that marginalised voices are worth being heard AND can create commercial success even though everyone keeps telling us otherwise.
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April 24, 2024
A phenomenal young adult read which explores identity, race, sexuality/transgender identities, coming of age, bullying, the confusing emotions that teens go through, dreams and determination, friendship and family dynamics
Felix Love is one of the most dynamic ya characters I have ever come across!
Even though he tends to be seen as a teen who's not that socially dynamic at school but he's loyal to his friends, family and his dreams.
Inspite of all the extreme bullying in the form of revelation of his past and his dead name, he tries his best to deal with everything. Thanks to his mates! The forever support cheerleading team! And yes, his hardworking, awkward dad too!
Felix falls in love.
Felix falls in love again.
I love how the story represented how there's a basic difference between the love we deserve and the love we think we deserve.
I love the writing. It's so well written. There's not even a dull moment in the entire book! I love how the ending wrapped up everything so well. The characters are unforgettable and incredibly realistic. The character and plot development too fantastic!
Felix Love is one of the most dynamic ya characters I have ever come across!
Even though he tends to be seen as a teen who's not that socially dynamic at school but he's loyal to his friends, family and his dreams.
Inspite of all the extreme bullying in the form of revelation of his past and his dead name, he tries his best to deal with everything. Thanks to his mates! The forever support cheerleading team! And yes, his hardworking, awkward dad too!
Felix falls in love.
Felix falls in love again.
I love how the story represented how there's a basic difference between the love we deserve and the love we think we deserve.
I love the writing. It's so well written. There's not even a dull moment in the entire book! I love how the ending wrapped up everything so well. The characters are unforgettable and incredibly realistic. The character and plot development too fantastic!
March 8, 2021
Just released my Top 10 Books from 2020 BookTube Video - now that you know this one made the list, click the link to find the rest!
The Written Review
Felix Love is an art student at an incredibly prestigious high school.
I'm not flaunting anything. I'm just existing. This is me. I can't hide myself.
He's been through a lot in the past few years - from transitioning to losing his mom (she's not dead...just gone. Moved on.) And he's ready for the next step - college. And to get there, he needs to win a scholarship.
But just as things amp up for him...the unthinkable happened.
Someone found old pictures of Felix (pretransition) and posted it with his deadname as a gallery of sorts.
He's horrified and heartbroken and above all, ready for revenge.
After narrowing down the pool of subjects, he quickly finds who he thinks is the culprit. But the longer he spends trying to figure out the best way to extract revenge...the more he begins to doubt his plan, and himself.
This was a wonderful book. Really, truly.
I loved watching Felix's character grow and change throughout the pages.
I adored the love shown in this story...and while my favorite pairing never happened, I still adored the ones that did.
The way the author unabashedly covers all the hard-hitting topics was admirable.
Just cause they're teens, doesn't mean that they don't have to deal with life's issues and I love the way the author portrayed Felix tackling those head-on.
All in all, this was an absolutely fabulous book. Definitely recommend it.
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November 24, 2021
”If the world was perfect, maybe we wouldn’t need labels. But the world isn’t perfect, and labels can really be a source of pride – especially when we’ve got to deal with so much crap.”
I rarely say this about books, but every once in a while – when a book is really, really good - I make an exception and actually tell everyone and their grandma that they should read this book! So I’m sure you already guessed it: “Felix Ever After” is exactly that kind of book! It is so, so, so good and I want everyone to read it because it’s not only important but also tackles so many different topics. Every issue, every rep and every single topic that is addressed in here is handled so carefully and with so much respect that I couldn’t help but fall head over heels for this book!
Kacen Callender didn’t just write a book, they also wrote characters that will stay with me for a long time and I find myself unable to express how meaningful this is! “Felix Ever After” was such a thought-provoking story and it made me think a lot about my own identity and how others perceive me, how I see myself and how I want to be seen by others. If that makes sense?! My poor Yoongi received a lot of very deep WhatsApp messages (sometimes at the oddest hours) while I read this book because it really made me reflect on my own identity and how I define myself! XD
I have no idea if other people who read this made the same experience but for me it was definitely somewhat cathartic?! *lol* Also I think that Kacen might be ARMY because they mentioned BTS twice in this book and the message of “love yourself” is very strong in “Felix Ever After”. And everyone who knows BTS knows that they have been preaching to “love yourself” for years! <3 No matter if Kacen is truly a fan of BTS or not, I really loved the strong message of accepting yourself the way you are and of not being afraid to show the world your true self! =) So alone because of this “Felix Ever After” is amazing and needs to be read! This said let’s finally head to my characters section, because I have lots of things to talk about!
The characters:
I don’t know if I still have to say this but for everyone who’s new to my reviews I’ll just give the usual warning: Welcome to my spoilery spoiler section in which I talk about the characters in depth and discuss important parts of the book! If you don’t want to be spoiled: Well, that was your official warning. Make haste! ;-P
Felix:
”I mean, I WANT to be in love. That’s something I’ve always wanted to feel. What’s it like, to be in love and have that other person love you, too? Is it another level of friendship? Another level of trust, vulnerability, always telling that person your thoughts and feelings, sharing every little thing with them so that you’re so in sync that it’s like you’re one person? Is it like every time you see them, your heart goes wild, and you can’t think because you’re so effing happy?”
Felix Love was such a sweet character! I loved the way he saw the world and how he could get lost in his art! Felix’s longing to fall in love and to find out who he truly is was so palpable and I found myself rooting for him so much. He had to deal with a lot of crap just because he wanted to be who he really is and I admired him for his strength to go through with it and to stand firm to his opinions and believes. What I really could relate to was his journey of self-discovery and that he continued to question his identity. I think that’s such an important thing to do if you’re uncertain where you stand on that huge spectrum called LGBTQAI+! We are all so diverse and it’s so important to make peace with yourself and to accept yourself. Sometimes you need labels to do that and I was glad Felix found the perfect definition for himself. =)
”I was hurt this summer, hurt more than I thought I ever could be. It could’ve been easy to say I was hurt because I’m trans, because someone singled me out for my identity, but there’s something weird about that ��� something off, about suggesting that my identity is the thing that brought me any sort of pain. It’s the opposite. Being trans brings me love. It brings me happiness. It gives me power.” Ezra’s biting his lip as he grins at me. I shrug a little. “It makes me feel like I’m a god. I wouldn’t change myself for anything.”
Ezra:
”Never mind,” I say quickly, hiding my head in my folded arms, lying down on my stomach.
“No, hey,” Ezra said. “Okay, I don’t really know what you mean, because I’ve never really questioned my gender identity before – but that doesn’t mean I’m not listening. It’s okay to keep questioning, isn’t it?”
Okay, I admit it: I am in love with Ezra!!! He’s one of the best besties I ever read about. Like seriously! Everyone should have a bestie who is as supportive and loyal as Ez! No matter what happened, he always got Felix’s back and he did it without expecting anything in return. This is the definition of unconditional love and if you look it up in the dictionary you should see Ezra’s name next to the word! Even when he didn’t exactly get what Felix meant or where he was coming from he still tried his best to understand him and that’s #friendshipgoals right there!! The only time he was acting awkward, was when his feelings got in his way and quite honestly I can cut him some slack there because he’s just human and it couldn’t have been easy to deal with everything that was on his plate! Ezra is the best! Period!! Go find yourself a bf like him! *lol* <333
Declan:
”I look at the moon, and I can’t help but think of everyone else on the planet who’s looking up at it, too, and how alone I am, even though we’re all here on the same Earth. I think about the fact that we should all be connected, but we’re not. We’re too preoccupied trying to hurt each other. It makes me think of how hypocritical I can be, and the mistakes I’ve made, and the ways I’ve hurt people, too.”
I think Declan might be the epitome of “Still waters run deep.” At the beginning of the book I would have never thought that he would be such a deep person but the more we got to know him through Felix’s chats with him, the more I started to like him. He was just a very confused and lonely boy and he basically wore his armour in front of everyone else so no one could get to him and hurt him. I think Declan is a very tragic character because his dysfunctional relationship with his parents caused him to shy away from the world. His grandpa made up for all of his parents faults though! Gosh, I loved his grandpa and how he supported his gay grandchild with everything he had! Please, the world needs more grandparents like that! <333
”He was pretty abusive. Not physically, but emotionally. He always made me feel like I was worthless, you know? He does the same shit to my mom, and she doesn’t fight back. She just does whatever he says. She didn’t fight for me when he kicked me out. It took a while to heal from that. I’m still kind of healing, I guess. And it’s stupid, but – even though he hurt me so much, and even though I know he isn’t healthy for me, I still want him to love me. It’s so fucked-up, I know it is.”
grandequeen69:
”I heard that your mom abandoned you.
I would, too, if I had a daughter that was pretending to be a boy.”
I hated grandequeen69 with a fierce passion and I can’t believe how the person behind the account could write things like that! They were hurtful and disrespectful and just cruel and mean! How could you do something like that to a person who’s just trying to be who they are?! UGH! I don’t get it! I was not surprised about the identity of the person behind grandqueen69, but I was very surprised that someone who has to fight against prejudices every day would actually believe and say things like that. It was disappointing and just like Felix I felt this like a physical blow. >_<
Marisol:
”Well,” she said, “you deciding to be a guy instead of a girl feels inherently misogynistic.” She told me, “You can’t be a feminist and decide you don’t want to be a woman anymore.”
And once again I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read this! I mean Marisol is a lesbian! How could she even believe something like that?!!! What does being a woman have to do with being feminist??!! You don’t have to be a woman to be feminist! I know plenty of men that are feminists and support women and their rights! Like what the hell!!!?? And how is transitioning into a man misogynistic?! I mean EXCUSE ME LADY BUT I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR BUTT FOR A STATEMENT LIKE THAT! Seriously if I would have been Felix I would have given her hell for this. I was really glad Ez did that for me! XD
The relationships & ships:
Felix & Declan
”I hope you tell me who you are.
Because this is what’s weirdest of all. Sorry in advance.
But I think I might be falling for you.”
I had the slight feeling that this ship wouldn’t sail and I was right. Felix and Declan were just too contrary and the way their “love story” began was too complicated to actually go for the real deal. I mean Declan had every right to be hurt by Felix’s actions and if you go into a relationship with preconditions like that nothing good can come out of it. I was a huge fan of their developing friendship though and I really hope that they’ll be friends in future. =)
”He’s watching me again. I’ve never seen anyone look at me like that – so unabashedly, so unapologetically, so like he doesn’t give a fuck that I know he wants me, like he’s almost laughing at me, because he knows I want him, too.”
Felix & Ezra:
"I don't want Ezra to see, but of course he notices. He throws an arm over my shoulder, pulling me close to his side, making it difficult to walk as I keep stumbling into him. He doesn't say anything. Just kisses the top of my head."
I LOVED THOSE TWO SO MUCH!!! <333 Alone the way they acted when they were around each other. They were so familiar with each other and the way the other moved, they knew exactly what the other needed when they were stressed and they were so gentle and sweet! Like OMO! They were totally in sync and I basically shipped them from page one when they were in the subway and everyone thought they were a couple. *lol* Truth be told I was kind of surprised Felix never realized that Ez is in love with him, because for me as a reader it was so obvious! Then again it probably was supposed to be like that. XD Also can we appreciate the slow-burn from friends to lovers trope in here! Which is one of my favourite tropes ever but is so rarely portrayed in books! <3 Kacen did an amazing job with those two and they gave me all the butterflies in my stomach! Ahh Felix’s and Ezra’s relationship/friendship was so wholesome I could cry! T_T
”I love Ezra. I know that I do. It’s been a slower realization, since Ezra told me he has feelings for me – a realization that just as long as Ezra’s been in love with me, I’ve probably been in love with him. The sort of love I have for Ez – it’s the kind of love that fills me so much that I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s the sort of love that makes me wish that I could touch him, hug him, kiss him again.”
”I wanted to fall in love, but I didn’t want to risk the kind of love that’d fill me with excitement and joy. I know that love. It’s the kind of love I feel when I think about Ezra – when he laughs one of his loud-as-fuck laughs and when he says stupid shit when he’s high and when he holds me to his chest while we sleep. I love Ezra. I love him so much, it scares me.”
Felix & his father:
”We never talk about it. How he doesn’t like saying the name Felix out loud. How he’ll always slip up and use the wrong pronouns, and not bother to correct himself. How some nights, when he’s had a little too much whiskey or beer, he’ll tell me that I’ll always be his daughter, his little girl.”
I know Felix’s father might have had his faults but at the end of the day he’s still a good father because he supported his son with everything he had. He might not have been able to understand the importance of Felix transition and how crucial it was for him to be addressed with the right pronouns but he was trying really hard to do everything he could in order to support his son. I guess if you’re a parent it’s not easy to come to terms with your child’s gender or identity. At least if you’re the old generation that didn’t know about things like that. Yes, he misgendered his son, but he never did it on purpose and I think it’s important to acknowledge that. He didn’t do it out of spite or because he wanted to hurt Felix, it just happened because he had a daughter for so many years. It’s easy to judge people for things like that but I think you should always keep in mind that it is a change for them too. I mean I’m gender fluid and I’m addressed with the wrong pronouns very often because not everyone can tell when I’m in a female/male or neutral mind-set. I don’t hold it against people though because quite honestly my gender is so fluid I really can’t blame them for not always getting it right. So I think what I want to say is that we have to be patient with the people in our lives. Change happens slowly and if we want others to accept us the way we are, we also have to accept that it might take some time for them to adapt and to actually change their patterns. It might take a little while and a lot of effort on both sides, but it will be worth it in the end! ;-)
”I’m trying,” he tells me. “I’m trying to understand. I want to understand. There’s a lot that I don’t know, and I’ve been slow. I know I’ve been slow to get it, and I know it’s been frustrating for you, so I’m sorry. I really am. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry if you think my slowness has something to do with how I feel about you. Because I love you , kid. Don’t ever think that I don’t love you.”
”You’re happy. And brave. You’ve been so courageous, just by being yourself, even knowing that the world won’t always accept you for who you are. You refuse to be anything but yourself, no matter what. I look up to that. I admire that.”
The transgender rep:
”It took a lot of convincing, and my doctor’s help, but almost a year ago now, my dad even helped me get top surgery. I know how lucky I am for that. Not everyone who wants surgery can afford it. My dad had to do a lot of paperwork with letters and providers and everything, and he had to figure out my health insurance to make it happen.”
I’m not transgender so here comes my usual warning to take everything I say with a grain of salt. XD So this said I’m going to say that I think the transgender rep was really good and very realistic. I really liked that we got a glimpse at how much effort it takes to get surgery and that Felix knew how lucky he was for being able to go for one. I think a lot of people underestimate the work and money that go into the preparation for a transition and I really liked that Kacen Callender acknowledged this in their book. In most of the books with transgender MCs I read the characters already had surgery and it was never even mentioned. I think it’s an important side of the rep though so kudos to Kacen for giving it room in their book. Also the problems, prejudices and issues a black transgender person has to deal with were portrayed very well as well. Kacen has all my respect for writing about such important topics in a sensible and palpable manner.
”I always see it on the news. The ways the government is trying to erase me, the ways politicians try to pretend transgender people don’t exist, even though we do exist, and always have, and always will.”
Finding your identity rep:
”Changing this world, yes – we need people who will fight for our rights, fight for justice in the courts so that it will be better for the next generation. But creating our own world, not just for ourselves in our bubble, but one that can spread to those who need it most – one filled with our stories, our history, our love and pride – that’s just as beautiful. That’s just as necessary. Without that, we forget ourselves. Crumple under the pain of feeling isolated, unaccepted by others, without realizing that, above all else, we need to love and accept ourselves first.”
I swear that moment when Felix finally found out as what he/they define himself/themselves, was relatable af! I remember myself sitting in front of my computer and feeling so relieved. Like finding a missing puzzle piece you’ve been looking for ages and there is a single word, an explanation for who and what you are and it’s so liberating you could cry! I was there with Felix and I felt as excited and thrilled for him/them to find out as I was excited and thrilled when I found out myself. XD I really loved that aspect of the book and I adored the discussion about identity and labels. It was very respectful and it caused me to think about how other people find their identity, how some people don’t want to label themselves while others thrive when they finally figure out who they are. Kacen did an amazing job at representing every aspect of finding your identity and loving yourself and I lived and breathed for it!! <333
”I smile a little. I smile, and then outright laugh, and I might even begin to cry a little, because I know what Bex was talking about now. The confidence that spreads through me. I know that this is right. It's kind of amazing, that there's a word that explains exactly how I feel, that takes away all of my confusion and questioning and hesitation - a word that lets me know there are others out there who feel exactly the same way that I do.”
Conclusion:
“Felix Ever After” is an amazing and very important book! I loved every second of it and the fact that it caused me to think about so many things only made me adore it even more. The reps were great, the discussions and debates it stimulated were thought-provoking and Kacen’s gentle but steady approach of difficult topics was inspiring. In short: I absolutely loved this and it’s definitely among my favourites of 2021!!
_______________________
I finally got my hands on a hardcover copy and since I already said I'd read "Felix Ever After" when I did My September TBR I'm going for it now.
I know I'm a snail, but it's still September so yeah. That counts! *lol*
Did any of you read this already and if yes, did you enjoy it? =)
I rarely say this about books, but every once in a while – when a book is really, really good - I make an exception and actually tell everyone and their grandma that they should read this book! So I’m sure you already guessed it: “Felix Ever After” is exactly that kind of book! It is so, so, so good and I want everyone to read it because it’s not only important but also tackles so many different topics. Every issue, every rep and every single topic that is addressed in here is handled so carefully and with so much respect that I couldn’t help but fall head over heels for this book!
Kacen Callender didn’t just write a book, they also wrote characters that will stay with me for a long time and I find myself unable to express how meaningful this is! “Felix Ever After” was such a thought-provoking story and it made me think a lot about my own identity and how others perceive me, how I see myself and how I want to be seen by others. If that makes sense?! My poor Yoongi received a lot of very deep WhatsApp messages (sometimes at the oddest hours) while I read this book because it really made me reflect on my own identity and how I define myself! XD
I have no idea if other people who read this made the same experience but for me it was definitely somewhat cathartic?! *lol* Also I think that Kacen might be ARMY because they mentioned BTS twice in this book and the message of “love yourself” is very strong in “Felix Ever After”. And everyone who knows BTS knows that they have been preaching to “love yourself” for years! <3 No matter if Kacen is truly a fan of BTS or not, I really loved the strong message of accepting yourself the way you are and of not being afraid to show the world your true self! =) So alone because of this “Felix Ever After” is amazing and needs to be read! This said let’s finally head to my characters section, because I have lots of things to talk about!
The characters:
I don’t know if I still have to say this but for everyone who’s new to my reviews I’ll just give the usual warning: Welcome to my spoilery spoiler section in which I talk about the characters in depth and discuss important parts of the book! If you don’t want to be spoiled: Well, that was your official warning. Make haste! ;-P
Felix:
”I mean, I WANT to be in love. That’s something I’ve always wanted to feel. What’s it like, to be in love and have that other person love you, too? Is it another level of friendship? Another level of trust, vulnerability, always telling that person your thoughts and feelings, sharing every little thing with them so that you’re so in sync that it’s like you’re one person? Is it like every time you see them, your heart goes wild, and you can’t think because you’re so effing happy?”
Felix Love was such a sweet character! I loved the way he saw the world and how he could get lost in his art! Felix’s longing to fall in love and to find out who he truly is was so palpable and I found myself rooting for him so much. He had to deal with a lot of crap just because he wanted to be who he really is and I admired him for his strength to go through with it and to stand firm to his opinions and believes. What I really could relate to was his journey of self-discovery and that he continued to question his identity. I think that’s such an important thing to do if you’re uncertain where you stand on that huge spectrum called LGBTQAI+! We are all so diverse and it’s so important to make peace with yourself and to accept yourself. Sometimes you need labels to do that and I was glad Felix found the perfect definition for himself. =)
”I was hurt this summer, hurt more than I thought I ever could be. It could’ve been easy to say I was hurt because I’m trans, because someone singled me out for my identity, but there’s something weird about that ��� something off, about suggesting that my identity is the thing that brought me any sort of pain. It’s the opposite. Being trans brings me love. It brings me happiness. It gives me power.” Ezra’s biting his lip as he grins at me. I shrug a little. “It makes me feel like I’m a god. I wouldn’t change myself for anything.”
Ezra:
”Never mind,” I say quickly, hiding my head in my folded arms, lying down on my stomach.
“No, hey,” Ezra said. “Okay, I don’t really know what you mean, because I’ve never really questioned my gender identity before – but that doesn’t mean I’m not listening. It’s okay to keep questioning, isn’t it?”
Okay, I admit it: I am in love with Ezra!!! He’s one of the best besties I ever read about. Like seriously! Everyone should have a bestie who is as supportive and loyal as Ez! No matter what happened, he always got Felix’s back and he did it without expecting anything in return. This is the definition of unconditional love and if you look it up in the dictionary you should see Ezra’s name next to the word! Even when he didn’t exactly get what Felix meant or where he was coming from he still tried his best to understand him and that’s #friendshipgoals right there!! The only time he was acting awkward, was when his feelings got in his way and quite honestly I can cut him some slack there because he’s just human and it couldn’t have been easy to deal with everything that was on his plate! Ezra is the best! Period!! Go find yourself a bf like him! *lol* <333
Declan:
”I look at the moon, and I can’t help but think of everyone else on the planet who’s looking up at it, too, and how alone I am, even though we’re all here on the same Earth. I think about the fact that we should all be connected, but we’re not. We’re too preoccupied trying to hurt each other. It makes me think of how hypocritical I can be, and the mistakes I’ve made, and the ways I’ve hurt people, too.”
I think Declan might be the epitome of “Still waters run deep.” At the beginning of the book I would have never thought that he would be such a deep person but the more we got to know him through Felix’s chats with him, the more I started to like him. He was just a very confused and lonely boy and he basically wore his armour in front of everyone else so no one could get to him and hurt him. I think Declan is a very tragic character because his dysfunctional relationship with his parents caused him to shy away from the world. His grandpa made up for all of his parents faults though! Gosh, I loved his grandpa and how he supported his gay grandchild with everything he had! Please, the world needs more grandparents like that! <333
”He was pretty abusive. Not physically, but emotionally. He always made me feel like I was worthless, you know? He does the same shit to my mom, and she doesn’t fight back. She just does whatever he says. She didn’t fight for me when he kicked me out. It took a while to heal from that. I’m still kind of healing, I guess. And it’s stupid, but – even though he hurt me so much, and even though I know he isn’t healthy for me, I still want him to love me. It’s so fucked-up, I know it is.”
grandequeen69:
”I heard that your mom abandoned you.
I would, too, if I had a daughter that was pretending to be a boy.”
I hated grandequeen69 with a fierce passion and I can’t believe how the person behind the account could write things like that! They were hurtful and disrespectful and just cruel and mean! How could you do something like that to a person who’s just trying to be who they are?! UGH! I don’t get it! I was not surprised about the identity of the person behind grandqueen69, but I was very surprised that someone who has to fight against prejudices every day would actually believe and say things like that. It was disappointing and just like Felix I felt this like a physical blow. >_<
Marisol:
”Well,” she said, “you deciding to be a guy instead of a girl feels inherently misogynistic.” She told me, “You can’t be a feminist and decide you don’t want to be a woman anymore.”
And once again I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read this! I mean Marisol is a lesbian! How could she even believe something like that?!!! What does being a woman have to do with being feminist??!! You don’t have to be a woman to be feminist! I know plenty of men that are feminists and support women and their rights! Like what the hell!!!?? And how is transitioning into a man misogynistic?! I mean EXCUSE ME LADY BUT I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR BUTT FOR A STATEMENT LIKE THAT! Seriously if I would have been Felix I would have given her hell for this. I was really glad Ez did that for me! XD
The relationships & ships:
Felix & Declan
”I hope you tell me who you are.
Because this is what’s weirdest of all. Sorry in advance.
But I think I might be falling for you.”
I had the slight feeling that this ship wouldn’t sail and I was right. Felix and Declan were just too contrary and the way their “love story” began was too complicated to actually go for the real deal. I mean Declan had every right to be hurt by Felix’s actions and if you go into a relationship with preconditions like that nothing good can come out of it. I was a huge fan of their developing friendship though and I really hope that they’ll be friends in future. =)
”He’s watching me again. I’ve never seen anyone look at me like that – so unabashedly, so unapologetically, so like he doesn’t give a fuck that I know he wants me, like he’s almost laughing at me, because he knows I want him, too.”
Felix & Ezra:
"I don't want Ezra to see, but of course he notices. He throws an arm over my shoulder, pulling me close to his side, making it difficult to walk as I keep stumbling into him. He doesn't say anything. Just kisses the top of my head."
I LOVED THOSE TWO SO MUCH!!! <333 Alone the way they acted when they were around each other. They were so familiar with each other and the way the other moved, they knew exactly what the other needed when they were stressed and they were so gentle and sweet! Like OMO! They were totally in sync and I basically shipped them from page one when they were in the subway and everyone thought they were a couple. *lol* Truth be told I was kind of surprised Felix never realized that Ez is in love with him, because for me as a reader it was so obvious! Then again it probably was supposed to be like that. XD Also can we appreciate the slow-burn from friends to lovers trope in here! Which is one of my favourite tropes ever but is so rarely portrayed in books! <3 Kacen did an amazing job with those two and they gave me all the butterflies in my stomach! Ahh Felix’s and Ezra’s relationship/friendship was so wholesome I could cry! T_T
”I love Ezra. I know that I do. It’s been a slower realization, since Ezra told me he has feelings for me – a realization that just as long as Ezra’s been in love with me, I’ve probably been in love with him. The sort of love I have for Ez – it’s the kind of love that fills me so much that I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s the sort of love that makes me wish that I could touch him, hug him, kiss him again.”
”I wanted to fall in love, but I didn’t want to risk the kind of love that’d fill me with excitement and joy. I know that love. It’s the kind of love I feel when I think about Ezra – when he laughs one of his loud-as-fuck laughs and when he says stupid shit when he’s high and when he holds me to his chest while we sleep. I love Ezra. I love him so much, it scares me.”
Felix & his father:
”We never talk about it. How he doesn’t like saying the name Felix out loud. How he’ll always slip up and use the wrong pronouns, and not bother to correct himself. How some nights, when he’s had a little too much whiskey or beer, he’ll tell me that I’ll always be his daughter, his little girl.”
I know Felix’s father might have had his faults but at the end of the day he’s still a good father because he supported his son with everything he had. He might not have been able to understand the importance of Felix transition and how crucial it was for him to be addressed with the right pronouns but he was trying really hard to do everything he could in order to support his son. I guess if you’re a parent it’s not easy to come to terms with your child’s gender or identity. At least if you’re the old generation that didn’t know about things like that. Yes, he misgendered his son, but he never did it on purpose and I think it’s important to acknowledge that. He didn’t do it out of spite or because he wanted to hurt Felix, it just happened because he had a daughter for so many years. It’s easy to judge people for things like that but I think you should always keep in mind that it is a change for them too. I mean I’m gender fluid and I’m addressed with the wrong pronouns very often because not everyone can tell when I’m in a female/male or neutral mind-set. I don’t hold it against people though because quite honestly my gender is so fluid I really can’t blame them for not always getting it right. So I think what I want to say is that we have to be patient with the people in our lives. Change happens slowly and if we want others to accept us the way we are, we also have to accept that it might take some time for them to adapt and to actually change their patterns. It might take a little while and a lot of effort on both sides, but it will be worth it in the end! ;-)
”I’m trying,” he tells me. “I’m trying to understand. I want to understand. There’s a lot that I don’t know, and I’ve been slow. I know I’ve been slow to get it, and I know it’s been frustrating for you, so I’m sorry. I really am. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry if you think my slowness has something to do with how I feel about you. Because I love you , kid. Don’t ever think that I don’t love you.”
”You’re happy. And brave. You’ve been so courageous, just by being yourself, even knowing that the world won’t always accept you for who you are. You refuse to be anything but yourself, no matter what. I look up to that. I admire that.”
The transgender rep:
”It took a lot of convincing, and my doctor’s help, but almost a year ago now, my dad even helped me get top surgery. I know how lucky I am for that. Not everyone who wants surgery can afford it. My dad had to do a lot of paperwork with letters and providers and everything, and he had to figure out my health insurance to make it happen.”
I’m not transgender so here comes my usual warning to take everything I say with a grain of salt. XD So this said I’m going to say that I think the transgender rep was really good and very realistic. I really liked that we got a glimpse at how much effort it takes to get surgery and that Felix knew how lucky he was for being able to go for one. I think a lot of people underestimate the work and money that go into the preparation for a transition and I really liked that Kacen Callender acknowledged this in their book. In most of the books with transgender MCs I read the characters already had surgery and it was never even mentioned. I think it’s an important side of the rep though so kudos to Kacen for giving it room in their book. Also the problems, prejudices and issues a black transgender person has to deal with were portrayed very well as well. Kacen has all my respect for writing about such important topics in a sensible and palpable manner.
”I always see it on the news. The ways the government is trying to erase me, the ways politicians try to pretend transgender people don’t exist, even though we do exist, and always have, and always will.”
Finding your identity rep:
”Changing this world, yes – we need people who will fight for our rights, fight for justice in the courts so that it will be better for the next generation. But creating our own world, not just for ourselves in our bubble, but one that can spread to those who need it most – one filled with our stories, our history, our love and pride – that’s just as beautiful. That’s just as necessary. Without that, we forget ourselves. Crumple under the pain of feeling isolated, unaccepted by others, without realizing that, above all else, we need to love and accept ourselves first.”
I swear that moment when Felix finally found out as what he/they define himself/themselves, was relatable af! I remember myself sitting in front of my computer and feeling so relieved. Like finding a missing puzzle piece you’ve been looking for ages and there is a single word, an explanation for who and what you are and it’s so liberating you could cry! I was there with Felix and I felt as excited and thrilled for him/them to find out as I was excited and thrilled when I found out myself. XD I really loved that aspect of the book and I adored the discussion about identity and labels. It was very respectful and it caused me to think about how other people find their identity, how some people don’t want to label themselves while others thrive when they finally figure out who they are. Kacen did an amazing job at representing every aspect of finding your identity and loving yourself and I lived and breathed for it!! <333
”I smile a little. I smile, and then outright laugh, and I might even begin to cry a little, because I know what Bex was talking about now. The confidence that spreads through me. I know that this is right. It's kind of amazing, that there's a word that explains exactly how I feel, that takes away all of my confusion and questioning and hesitation - a word that lets me know there are others out there who feel exactly the same way that I do.”
Conclusion:
“Felix Ever After” is an amazing and very important book! I loved every second of it and the fact that it caused me to think about so many things only made me adore it even more. The reps were great, the discussions and debates it stimulated were thought-provoking and Kacen’s gentle but steady approach of difficult topics was inspiring. In short: I absolutely loved this and it’s definitely among my favourites of 2021!!
_______________________
I finally got my hands on a hardcover copy and since I already said I'd read "Felix Ever After" when I did My September TBR I'm going for it now.
I know I'm a snail, but it's still September so yeah. That counts! *lol*
Did any of you read this already and if yes, did you enjoy it? =)
July 4, 2020
This was so good. I got so emotionally attached to this main character and all of his friends. It’s hard for me to connect to YA novels lately but every now and then I find a gem like this one and it reminds me why I still try. I love Felix, I love his journey of identity and self discovery in this book, and his romantic endeavors in this book. My heart broke for his complicated relationship with his Mom, and his at-times difficult relationship with his Dad. This isn’t the first own voices trans story that I’ve read and it definitely won’t be my last, I hope more books like this one get published, these stories are so important.
And Ezra is just 🥺🥺🥺 This story gave me major Simon Vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda vibes. Maybe it was the blackmail storyline aspect of it, but I loved it and I thought it was pretty adorable like that book also is.
And Ezra is just 🥺🥺🥺 This story gave me major Simon Vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda vibes. Maybe it was the blackmail storyline aspect of it, but I loved it and I thought it was pretty adorable like that book also is.
March 11, 2022
rep: Black trans demiboy achillean mc, Black Bengali achillean li, lesbian sc, mixed-race Black, Puerto Rican & white gay sc, poc sapphic sc, sapphic sc, gay sc, nonbinary sc
tw: transphobia (exposing old pictures and deadname, transphobic messages), mentions of past emotional abuse, absent parent
i just feel so very, very loved right now
the thing abt felix ever after is that it is CLEARLY written for trans kids. yeah, bad things happen to felix and yeah, there's quite a lot of transphobia but it's there bc ppl like that are still in the world & not just to teach the readers sth. there's balance here: bad things happen to felix but right from the very start, he has his best friend who's willing to fight the whole damn world for him.
it tells trans kids who read it: look, it might be rough, but u WILL be loved!
tw: transphobia (exposing old pictures and deadname, transphobic messages), mentions of past emotional abuse, absent parent
i just feel so very, very loved right now
the thing abt felix ever after is that it is CLEARLY written for trans kids. yeah, bad things happen to felix and yeah, there's quite a lot of transphobia but it's there bc ppl like that are still in the world & not just to teach the readers sth. there's balance here: bad things happen to felix but right from the very start, he has his best friend who's willing to fight the whole damn world for him.
it tells trans kids who read it: look, it might be rough, but u WILL be loved!
March 30, 2023
"You deserve to be loved," he tells me, then kisses me. "You deserve all of my love."Felix Love has never been in love. The irony grates at him. Trust me, I get it. My name is Gloria and I'm an atheist. For Felix though, I don't think the problem is that he's never been in love. I think it's because he's obliviously in love and that good people, is how you write a brilliant romance.
I've said time and again that I worship the holy trinity of first person pov, great writing and surprising your reader. Ok I've never said it. But consider it said. And I like omniscient narrators too. However, I would give my kingdom for books to kill that infernal dual pov. In many contemporary romances, they find it necessary to give us a dual pov of the main couple so we know from the get go who ends up with whom, even when it's a motherfucking love triangle. In which case, it beggars belief why they write a love triangle when it's clearly just a line with a pathetic thirdwheeling hanger-on.
In this wonderful wonderful book, we meet Felix, who is again a trifecta of my favourite things in a character. Messy, artistic no one chooses to be an artist because it's easy and surprisingly funny. Bonus, he's from New York. He's a teenage black trans artist from New York and... I think my brain exploded from all the serotonin. Considering the screeches caused by some of the scenes in the book that were so loud my cat is still mad at me, I'd say it likely did. Not gonna check my ears for residue tho.
The story starts with Felix on a train with his ride or die Ezra, a most precious cinammon roll if there ever was one. They are on a way to a photo shoot where frenemy extrodinaire with Draco Malfoy energy Declan goes out of his way to be a dick to both of them; but unlike Draco, Declan was just a misunderstood antagonist(?).
As things move forward, Felix finds out that someone has it out for him. They have been sending him transphobic messages and even put up a gallery with his deadname and his past. This upsets Felix (understandably) and sends Ezra in a raze-it-to-the-ground rage (obviously). In their friend group, suspects stand out, some more than others and others simply because Felix has fixated and decided that they are the ones behind everything. Honestly, how he had the capacity to be perfectly reasonable in one scene then obsessing in the next was just a marvel to watch.
Events unfolded long enough for us to see Felix grow into his identity, finding the courage to be himself, settling in his own skin. His dad even tells him,
I've never seen you with this light inside of you. You weren't happy, and now you are, and that's all I could ever want for you. That's all I could ever ask. You're happy. And brave. You've been so courageous, just by being yourself, even knowing that the world won't always accept you for who you are. You refuse to be anything but yourself, no matter what. I look up to that. I admire that.This book made me cry, laugh, cheer, scream, wish bloody murder on some unsavoury characters. In the author's note they tell us,
I hope that readers took away a lot after reading Felix Ever After: laughs and tears; a roller coaster ride of a romance, empowerment, and validation; and a story they thoroughly enjoyed.I'd say that's mission accomplished.
July 12, 2020
We’re all worthy of love, but sometimes the path to realizing that is a tough one. This message is at the core of Kacen Callender's newest book,
Felix Ever After
.
Ironically, Felix Love has never been in love. He wants that more than anything, though, as much as he wants to get in to Brown University to study art. He knows his grades and his test scores aren't enough, but if he can make a splash with his portfolio he might have a chance. If only he could motivate himself to work on it...
"I want to be in love. I've never, you know—felt the kind of passion great artists talk about. I want that. I want to feel that level of intensity. Not everyone wants love. I get that, you know? But me—I want to fall in love and be broken up with and get pissed and grieve and fall in love all over again. I've never felt any of that. I've just been doing the same shit. Nothing new. Nothing exciting."
He has other issues to deal with, though. Since he came out as transgender, he’s been struggling with his identity. He knows he’s not a girl but he doesn’t always feel like a boy, so he doesn’t know what that means, especially since he made such a big deal out of his transition.
But the worst thing is that someone put up a gallery of photos from before his transition, along with his deadname, at school. He is devastated by this and is determined to get back whomever was responsible. But his obsession with revenge takes an unexpected turn, and it also blinds him to something closer.
This was a moving book about identity, love, friendship, and family. There was so much to think about, so much emotion, and so much beauty. The characters weren’t always the most sympathetic, but this is definitely a book I’ll remember for a long time.
Another excellent book for Pride Reads!!
Check out my list of the best books I read in 2019 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2020/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2019.html.
Check out my list of the best books of the decade at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2020/01/my-favorite-books-of-decade.html.
See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.
Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.
Ironically, Felix Love has never been in love. He wants that more than anything, though, as much as he wants to get in to Brown University to study art. He knows his grades and his test scores aren't enough, but if he can make a splash with his portfolio he might have a chance. If only he could motivate himself to work on it...
"I want to be in love. I've never, you know—felt the kind of passion great artists talk about. I want that. I want to feel that level of intensity. Not everyone wants love. I get that, you know? But me—I want to fall in love and be broken up with and get pissed and grieve and fall in love all over again. I've never felt any of that. I've just been doing the same shit. Nothing new. Nothing exciting."
He has other issues to deal with, though. Since he came out as transgender, he’s been struggling with his identity. He knows he’s not a girl but he doesn’t always feel like a boy, so he doesn’t know what that means, especially since he made such a big deal out of his transition.
But the worst thing is that someone put up a gallery of photos from before his transition, along with his deadname, at school. He is devastated by this and is determined to get back whomever was responsible. But his obsession with revenge takes an unexpected turn, and it also blinds him to something closer.
This was a moving book about identity, love, friendship, and family. There was so much to think about, so much emotion, and so much beauty. The characters weren’t always the most sympathetic, but this is definitely a book I’ll remember for a long time.
Another excellent book for Pride Reads!!
Check out my list of the best books I read in 2019 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2020/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2019.html.
Check out my list of the best books of the decade at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2020/01/my-favorite-books-of-decade.html.
See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.
Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.
July 4, 2020
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FELIX EVER AFTER was a really, really good book. It's a story about questioning your identity, writing secret letters, first loves, secret cruelties, calling out harassment and bigotry, and educating loved ones-- oh, and art, New York, and coming of age. Basically, it's a hodge-podge of everything I love about YA, handled really maturely, and with a really great message to boot.
Felix is a trans boy who has never been in love but would like to be. He's also an art student with big dreams, and a group of friends who he mostly likes, although they can be annoying. In liberal New York, he's mostly accepted but he still runs into bigots-- like his TERF "friend" who says he's a misogynist for transitioning from "female" to male and giving into the patriarchy, or the bigot who deadnames him and posts a gallery of photos from his Instagram taken pre-transition.
The secret bigot harasses him on Instagram, trying to tell him that he's a girl and damage his self-worth. The things the bully says are incredibly cruel and Felix is understandably devastated and enraged, and he decides he's going to figure out who they are and ruin them. He already has one suspect, the ex-boyfriend of his BFF who inexplicably seems to hate both their guts. But the more that Felix talks to him, under an assumed identity, the more he actually -gulp- starts to like him.
I don't want to say too much more because I don't want to spoil things, but I liked that I never knew what was going to happen. I also liked that Felix started out as really prickly, but as the story progresses we get to know the real him as he figures himself out. I liked the message about how even loved ones can screw up and it's important to forgive even as you hold them accountable, and how bigots should be called out so they can't continue to harass on the sly. I loved the message that you can continue to question your whole life, and how identity is this ever-evolving thing that belongs to you alone, and the power that naming yourself gives you when you find a label that is you.
There's a lot of YA that condescends to its audience so I'm always really excited when I find a mature work that deals out realistic problems with realistic people and dialogue that sounds like real teens speaking. Real teens make mistakes and sometimes do reckless things, but real teens can also surprise you with their insightfulness and their passions. When I was a teenager, I definitely saw myself as a very ~mature~ individual, and I think a lot of teens probably feel the same way and like to see reflections of their almost-adult self in fiction. FELIX EVER AFTER perfectly captures what it means to be growing up and having everything change, caught mid-glide on that journey of endless possibility.
4 to 4.5 stars
July 14, 2020
this cover broke into my house, spit in my face, and called me ugly
// buddy read with an angel
June 19, 2021
UWIELBIAM. Taka czuła, taka ludzka, ujmuje prostotą! A główny bohater… to po prostu postać niesamowicie autentyczna. Tego właśnie potrzebowaliśmy.
February 24, 2022
☆☆☆☆½ l 84%
for starters, i am beyond grateful that this book exists. it is essentially a love letter to trans youth and it is gloriously obvious that the author poured their heart and soul into this book. Felix Ever After is a story about teenage years, school, art, love, friendship, and heartbreak, but most of all, it is a story of self-acceptance and self-love. this is one of those books that has the potential to resonate deeply with many readers. this book show’s us one kid’s journey through accepting himself and figuring out his identity and what he wants in life, and his story gives off so much light and hope. it is a beacon of light and acceptance for lgbtqia+ youth and it is one of those books that is meant to be in this world.
the plot follows a teenager named felix who is trying to figure out his identity, along with dealing with pressures of his academic path and navigating social dilemmas. there are many obstacles and difficulties that felix faces throughout the book in order to eventually be where he needs to be in his journey. while i thought the plot has weird pacing and was a little bit too much at times, overall it fit well with the story. there were so many things that happened in a short period of time that seemed unrealistic and some points, but i also understand that people could definitely have an experience like felix’s in real life. shit really goes down in high school.
the characters are for the most part all very flawed human beings who make their fair share of mistakes. at least at one point each i disliked every single character. (which is not to say that i generally loved most of them.) none of them are perfect, which is how characters need to be written. also, as teenagers, they are expected to not be perfect and to make some shitty decisions sometimes, which this book did a good job of portraying without sounding all preachy ‘tEeNaGerS aRe sTuPId AnD tHiNK tHeYRe iNviNcIbLE AnD nEeD tO bE sUpErViSED.’ they were all at a difficult point in their life and were trying to navigate it as best that they could. felix especially, being in a big minority, had plenty of issues to deal with. he had to deal with transphobia and harassment and deadnaming on the daily, in addition to the prejudice that comes with being a black queer youth. he definitely did some shitty and stupid things sometimes that i did not agree with, but overall he grew a lot as a character and i was wholeheartedly proud of him by the end of the story. he was strong for going through all that he did and coming out brave on the other side.
the romance was very much all over the place. we didn’t know what was going to happen until the end, and because this story was more focused on felix’s journey of self-love, there was not as much emphasis on felix falling in love with anybody as there was on him realizing who he loved and what kind of relationship he wanted in his life. sometimes he didn’t realize his feelings until later, and that’s when we realized he felt that way too. there wasn’t any waiting for a couple to get together or even any shipping for the most part, as things in felix’s mind moved too fast for the reader to make a fair analysis on the romance part of the book. the romance wasn’t the main focus of the story, and that really shows. though i was definitely glad that felix found a kind, healthy, loving relationship that he was able to be a part of.
the writing was overall very good for a YA book and described some themes and issues that really needed to be dealt with in a way that blended seamlessly into the story. it puts social issues into words that can be understood by a large audience, and it is thought-provoking to see how certain things are viewed in the eyes of different people. how even within the lgbtqia+ community, there can be prejudice and exclusion. it also puts into words very well the feelings and emotions of felix and how he struggles to deal with certain things happening in his life. the writing is very personal and simple and i’m sure it has the ability to touch the hearts of many people.
✧✧✧
things in this book i liked:
❥ the character development
❥ the cover
❥ the healthy, loving relationship
❥ the messages and themes
❥ the representation
things in this book i didn’t like:
❥ some decisions the characters made
❥ the pacing
my general opinion is that i wholeheartedly recommend this book and everyone should read it.
✧✧✧
4.5 stars
rep:
✔︎ black trans queer mc
✔︎ black bengali queer li
✔︎ lesbian sc
✔︎ mixed-race gay sc
✔︎ non-binary sc
✔︎ poc sapphic sc
✔︎ sapphic sc
✔︎ gay sc
tw for transphobia, homophobia, deadnaming, parental abandonment, etc
thank you RoRo for buddy reading this with me :)
for starters, i am beyond grateful that this book exists. it is essentially a love letter to trans youth and it is gloriously obvious that the author poured their heart and soul into this book. Felix Ever After is a story about teenage years, school, art, love, friendship, and heartbreak, but most of all, it is a story of self-acceptance and self-love. this is one of those books that has the potential to resonate deeply with many readers. this book show’s us one kid’s journey through accepting himself and figuring out his identity and what he wants in life, and his story gives off so much light and hope. it is a beacon of light and acceptance for lgbtqia+ youth and it is one of those books that is meant to be in this world.
the plot follows a teenager named felix who is trying to figure out his identity, along with dealing with pressures of his academic path and navigating social dilemmas. there are many obstacles and difficulties that felix faces throughout the book in order to eventually be where he needs to be in his journey. while i thought the plot has weird pacing and was a little bit too much at times, overall it fit well with the story. there were so many things that happened in a short period of time that seemed unrealistic and some points, but i also understand that people could definitely have an experience like felix’s in real life. shit really goes down in high school.
the characters are for the most part all very flawed human beings who make their fair share of mistakes. at least at one point each i disliked every single character. (which is not to say that i generally loved most of them.) none of them are perfect, which is how characters need to be written. also, as teenagers, they are expected to not be perfect and to make some shitty decisions sometimes, which this book did a good job of portraying without sounding all preachy ‘tEeNaGerS aRe sTuPId AnD tHiNK tHeYRe iNviNcIbLE AnD nEeD tO bE sUpErViSED.’ they were all at a difficult point in their life and were trying to navigate it as best that they could. felix especially, being in a big minority, had plenty of issues to deal with. he had to deal with transphobia and harassment and deadnaming on the daily, in addition to the prejudice that comes with being a black queer youth. he definitely did some shitty and stupid things sometimes that i did not agree with, but overall he grew a lot as a character and i was wholeheartedly proud of him by the end of the story. he was strong for going through all that he did and coming out brave on the other side.
the romance was very much all over the place. we didn’t know what was going to happen until the end, and because this story was more focused on felix’s journey of self-love, there was not as much emphasis on felix falling in love with anybody as there was on him realizing who he loved and what kind of relationship he wanted in his life. sometimes he didn’t realize his feelings until later, and that’s when we realized he felt that way too. there wasn’t any waiting for a couple to get together or even any shipping for the most part, as things in felix’s mind moved too fast for the reader to make a fair analysis on the romance part of the book. the romance wasn’t the main focus of the story, and that really shows. though i was definitely glad that felix found a kind, healthy, loving relationship that he was able to be a part of.
the writing was overall very good for a YA book and described some themes and issues that really needed to be dealt with in a way that blended seamlessly into the story. it puts social issues into words that can be understood by a large audience, and it is thought-provoking to see how certain things are viewed in the eyes of different people. how even within the lgbtqia+ community, there can be prejudice and exclusion. it also puts into words very well the feelings and emotions of felix and how he struggles to deal with certain things happening in his life. the writing is very personal and simple and i’m sure it has the ability to touch the hearts of many people.
✧✧✧
things in this book i liked:
❥ the character development
❥ the cover
❥ the healthy, loving relationship
❥ the messages and themes
❥ the representation
things in this book i didn’t like:
❥ some decisions the characters made
❥ the pacing
my general opinion is that i wholeheartedly recommend this book and everyone should read it.
✧✧✧
4.5 stars
rep:
✔︎ black trans queer mc
✔︎ black bengali queer li
✔︎ lesbian sc
✔︎ mixed-race gay sc
✔︎ non-binary sc
✔︎ poc sapphic sc
✔︎ sapphic sc
✔︎ gay sc
tw for transphobia, homophobia, deadnaming, parental abandonment, etc
thank you RoRo for buddy reading this with me :)
June 3, 2021
3 June 2021
Reread or not to reread. That is the question.
7 July 2020
This book is pure magic and I have a new all time favorite couple. ❤️
I loved Ezra and his bond with Felix so much! How comfortable they were together is just chef's kiss. Friendships with a lot of physical contact are my favorites.
It's a spoiler so I won't say who Felix ends up with. Honestly, I loved both guys and since they all had a history together I wanted all of them to be in a poly realationship at one point, but I'm so happy Felix got together with the right person at the end! They have my dream relationship!
Reread or not to reread. That is the question.
7 July 2020
This book is pure magic and I have a new all time favorite couple. ❤️
I loved Ezra and his bond with Felix so much! How comfortable they were together is just chef's kiss. Friendships with a lot of physical contact are my favorites.
It's a spoiler so I won't say who Felix ends up with. Honestly, I loved both guys and since they all had a history together I wanted all of them to be in a poly realationship at one point, but I'm so happy Felix got together with the right person at the end! They have my dream relationship!
June 28, 2020
I realise that this book isn't going to be for everybody, because Felix fucks up more than once, but I remember how I was at 17, and I was the queen of fucking things up. putting teenagers on a pedestal isn't realistic. Felix is still figuring out his identity while being deadnamed and harassed, and yes he doesn't react in the most logical way or a way that won't get other people hurt, but to me this is a realistic representation of what it's like being a teenager and being scared and hurt. it's not the way everybody would have dealt with things, but it was interesting to see how Felix evolved all throughout the book and realised what he was doing and what it meant.
I think it's an important book. Felix realises that his identity isn't maybe exactly what he thought it was and it's okay, it's okay to still have things to figure out. yes this book is hard to read at times, but it was so hopeful. (4.5)
trigger warnings: transphobia, misgendering, deadnaming, homophobia, racism
I think it's an important book. Felix realises that his identity isn't maybe exactly what he thought it was and it's okay, it's okay to still have things to figure out. yes this book is hard to read at times, but it was so hopeful. (4.5)
trigger warnings: transphobia, misgendering, deadnaming, homophobia, racism
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