Pumpkin spice pumpkin seeds? We tried 21 ridiculous pumpkin spice items (so you don’t have to)

Syracuse, N.Y. — Hopefully this is the last time you’ll see us write about pumpkin spice. We’ve had enough of this annual fad created by some coffee company in the 1990s.

Corporate America continues to force-feed this made-up flavor every autumn. It was fine when it was just a pumpkin spice latte here and a pumpkin beer there. Now we have pumpkin spice Twinkies, Jello-O and Cheerios. We even have pumpkin dog biscuits and cat treats!

Here’s another one of those stories where we—a bunch of journalists from syracuse.com—try a lot something so you don’t have to. Some of the following is decent. Some of it downright offensive.

Here’s what we think of the pumpkin-infused items we found at local stores:

Pumpkin Spice Cheerios Cereal

Brand: General Mills

Price: $4.49 at Target

Charlie Miller: This is a good way to start the day and a nice start to this assignment. This whole thing doesn’t seem so bad after all. I enjoyed this fun variation on the boring cereal we all grew up with. It has the same amount of calories as plain Cheerios and a touch more salt. The flavor is worth the extra sodium. The nutrition label says it’s naturally flavored, so it must be good for you.

Pumpkin Spice Things Up Air Freshener

Brand: Glade

Price: $1.29 at Wegmans

Charlie Miller: Pumpkin spice candles are one thing, but spraying an aerosol containing this odor into the air must violate some type of EPA standards. If it doesn’t, it should. This just ruined the entire autumn season down here at 220 S. Warren St.

Office co-workers: Charlie, you’re an idiot! Get out of here and take that smelly stuff with you. Thanks for making us all have to move.

Pumpkin Spice Pudding

Brand: Jell-O

Price: $1.29 from Wegmans

Charlie Miller: It looks like pumpkin puree but smells like a rotten gourd. The taste somewhat resembles a store-bought pumpkin pie. You know what? This pudding would be the perfect ingredient for a tray of Jell-O shots at a Halloween party. Mmmmm.

Katrina Tulloch: It’s not bad. It’s refreshing. Then again, it is the first thing I’ve eaten today.

Pumpkin Spice Almonds

Brand: Wegmans

Price: $6.49 at Wegmans

Charlie Miller: These are delicious. I’ve wanted to try these for the past month, simply because Danny Wegman has put them at the checkout aisle at the store near me. These have just enough sugar to sweeten your day with a hint of real pumpkin powder.

Dennis Nett: Actually they’re not bad at all. Pumpkin almonds are the best. Thank you.

Pumpkin Spice Milano Cookies

Brand: Pepperidge Farm

Price: $3.79 at Target

Charlie Miller: Not overpowering at all, and it’s still a delicate cookie. Sorry Pepperidge Farm people, I meant it’s a distinctive cookie.

Jules Struck: Very subtle. This is a good Milano cookie. Tastes a little like white chocolate. The flavor comes out at the end. I wouldn’t trade it for the mint, but these are good.

Douglass Dowty: This isn’t an overpowering flavor, but it comes through. You don’t have to be a pumpkin spice fan to like it. But if you really do like pumpkin spice, it might not be enough for you.

Pumpkin Biscotti

Brand: Trader Joe’s

Price: $3.99 at Trader Joe’s

Jules Struck: Not a lot of flavor. Oooh. It’s nice and spicy at the end. It would really go well with some coffee.

Charlie Miller: You’re not kidding, Jules. Why didn’t I stop at a chain coffee drive-thru and pick up a pumpkin spice double latte to soak this thing in for a few hours. This tiny morning cookie is very dense, almost like a stale brick. Then again, that’s how biscotti are supposed to be, I reckon.

Pumpkin Spice Oreo Cookies

Brand: Nabisco

Price: $4.39 from Target

Charlie Miller: Why would Nabisco fall for this fad? Basically they took their blonde cookies and stuffed them with something that smells like pumpkin but doesn’t taste like pumpkin. I love plain old Oreos. This makes me want to swear off the beloved brand forever. I would never soil a glass of milk with this travesty.

Annie Hayes: There’s something upsetting about the coloring of the filling. It has a little bit of spice that you didn’t really ask for. It just tastes like blonde Oreos.

Darian Stevenson: I’m not mad at it. It really doesn’t have a flavor. The cookie is doing all the work. It’s not overpowering. I would actually eat these.

Smuttynose Brewing Co. Pumpkin Ale

Brand: Smuttynose Brewing Co.

Price: $12 from Trader Joes

Charlie Miller: This smooth ale brewed with real pumpkins comes from New Hampshire. Unlike most pumpkin beers that you’ll see this time of year, the spices take a backseat to the actual squash. Pair this with the pumpkin spice almonds for an even happier happy hour.

Don Cazentre: This tastes like beer, all right. I make a big bonfire on Halloween night, make chili and drink pumpkin beer. This will fit right in with my chili. I’m surprised you didn’t buy the Voodoo Ranger Atomic Pumpkin beer. That has pumpkin AND habanero chili peppers.

Pumpkin Spiced Pumpkin Seeds

Brand: Trader Joe’s

Price: $2.99 at Trader Joe’s

Chris Baker: These are really really good. They’re like little candies.

Charlie Miller: Probably the best thing I tried today. They’re sweet, salty and hard to put down. It took about 15 minutes for the entire bag to disappear. Every tavern in Central New York should serve these as bar treats from the end of the State Fair to the day after Thanksgiving.

Pumpkin Spice White Chocolate Espresso Beans

Brand: Favorite Day

Price: $4.49 at Target

Chris Baker: I don’t think I like espresso beans to begin with. (Then he puts them into his mouth...) Oh, that’s not good. Damn, it’s stuck in my teeth. I’m going to be tasting this all day. Ugh. I hate you, Charlie.

Charlie Miller: Well, Baker, I do like espresso beans, and I enjoy these. In fact, the caffeine is kicking in already. It’s setting me straight after that pumpkin beer I “sampled.” The white chocolate is smooth and buttery, but the specks blended in carry that hint of autumn.

Pumpkin Spice Caramels

Product: Werther’s Original

Price: $4.49 at Target

John Lammers: It fills me with regret. There are so many things I could’ve eaten. Instead I wasted my time and calories and the emotional investment for something that did not deserve that.

Marie Morelli: It’s got a vague chemical taste. It gets a little better as you chew it. Maybe some allspice in there? Maybe? Mostly an aftertaste now.

Charlie Miller: Where’s the pumpkin flavor? Werther’s artificially flavored this chew and you STILL can’t taste the pumpkin. This is supposed to be an old-person’s candy infused with a youngster’s flavor. I’m left with just a soft piece of caramel that is lasting way too long.

Pumpkin Spice English Muffin With Pumpkin Butter

Brands: Thomas’ English muffins and Trader Joe’s

Price: $3.79 for the muffins at Wegmans, and $2.99 for butter at Trader Joe’s

Charlie Miller: Just to kill two pumpkins with one catapult, I filled my muffin’s nooks and crannies with pumpkin butter. That might have been a little overkill. The pumpkin butter looks and tastes like any fresh apple butter you’ll find at an orchard. It’s loaded with sugar, honey, cinnamon, cloves, ginger and nutmeg. The lightly flavored muffin would’ve been fine with plain butter. Strike that. It would’ve been better with plain butter.

Rick Moriarty: It’s sugary. If you like it sugary, you’ll like this. That’s about all I can say about that. It’s very sugary.

Pumpkin Spice Twinkies

Brand: Hostess

Price: $3.49 at Target

Tim Knauss: You can’t really go wrong with a Twinkie, but this is really close to going wrong with a Twinkie. Flavor is almost bitter.

Samantha House: Smells like pumpkin, which is just weird. It’s better than the regular Twinkie. It’s got much more spice.

Charlie Miller: This gimmick is an insult to the basic all-American snack invented by Canadian James A. Dewar. On the outside, it looks like the original golden sponge cake, but that Crisco-like filling is marred with an equally artificial flavoring trying to disguise itself as pumpkin puree.

Pumpkin Spice Hot Cocoa With Pumpkin Spice Marshmallows

Price: Good & Gather hot cocoa $5.49 and Jet-Puffed marshmallows $1.39 from Target

Jules Struck: Wow, those marshmallows are really bad. I mean, they’re REALLY bad. The hot chocolate doesn’t have much flavor. It would be better with milk. But the marshmallows ruin it.

Charlie Miller: The hot chocolate couldn’t be more basic. It’s sugar, cocoa powder with some salt and pumpkin seasoning. By itself, it’s just fine. In fact, this is one of the few things I’m bringing home with me from the office. The marshmallows, as Jules said, really are that bad. Actually, they’re one of the worst things I’ve ever put in my mouth this year. It doesn’t help that every marshmallow in the bag was stuck together, only to coat my fingers with a light brown sheen. At least they smell like maple and pumpkin.

Pumpkin Ravioli

Product: Trader Joe’s Honey Roasted Ravioli

Price: $3.69 at Trader Joe’s

Chris Baker: This really needs something else. Maybe some olive oil or perhaps some nuts. Otherwise it’s just plain ravioli.

Charlie Miller: This thin-stuffed pasta with a cheesy pumpkin filling is a quick boil-and-eat dinner. But Baker makes a good point. Alone, this tastes like pasta with a touch of butternut squash and cheese. It is bland on its own. Since our office’s kitchen has no olive oil or pine nuts, I dressed my ravioli with some of the Trader Joe’s pumpkin butter and sprinkled some of their pumpkin spiced pumpkin seeds on top. That ruined everything, even those decent pumpkin seeds.

Pumpkin Spice Latte

Brand: Califia Farms

Price: $5.69 at Target

Charlie Miller: Dairy does bad things to my insides, so I avoid lactose. My belly actually thinks this almondmilk-based cold-brew could use some help from a cow. Forget for a second that there’s half the caffeine that you’ll find in a regular cup of Folgers. There’s also half the flavor that you’ll find in a smashed pumpkin in front of your house on the morning after Halloween.

Glenn Coin: Very little flavor. Very watery. Good thing I didn’t want coffee in the afternoon.

Pumpkin Protein Bar

Brand: Quest

Price: $2.79 at Wegmans

Charlie Miller: All this festive eating and drinking called for a sweaty workout. After 30 minutes on the bike, I fed my aching muscles with 20 grams of protein. It might have helped my legs, but it really upset my stomach. Like most protein bars, it was a dense rectangle of gel. This protein bar tasted like the pumpkin candle that’s been burning in our office all day.

Tuna Cat Treats With Pumpkin

Brand: Fruitables

Price: $3.49 at Wegmans

Otis from Onondaga Hill (a visual interpretation): May I have some more, please? Do these come in chicken with pumpkin spice? Perhaps liver with pumpkin spice? Sorry I ate the whole bag.

Pumpkin & Spice Flavored Dog Biscuits

Brand: Milk Bone

Price: $3.86 at Target

Wyatt from Onondaga Hill (a visual interpretation): I have no interest in these. I appreciate the offer, but I shall respectfully decline.

Charlie Miller finds the best in food, drink and fun across Central New York. Contact him at (315) 382-1984, or by email at cmiller@syracuse.com. (AND he pays for what he and his guests eat and drink, just so you know.) You can also find him under @HoosierCuse on Twitter and on Instagram. Sign up for his free weekly Where Syracuse Eats newsletter here.

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