Retreating women

Women are ditching leadership roles. How to ensure their needs are met

It's time to leave the hustle behind and release old narratives
Women are ditching leadership roles. How to ensure their needs are met
Photo: BrandonKleinPhoto (Shutterstock)
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Gender equity in the workplace is on a precipice. Despite the rise of the girl boss and glamourization of the hustle, women earned an average of 82% of what men earned in 2022, according to a Pew Research Center analysis. This has remained essentially unchanged over the past two decades.

An unprecedented number of women are leaving leadership roles and burnout is at an all-time high. So, the hustle may get you to the top, but we’re seeing in real-time that it’s not sustainable. For insight into the reasons behind this—and to uncover actionable solutions—I listen to the women in my executive coaching practice.

The never good enough narrative

I hear from women often about not “being good enough” at work or at home. Many of the women that I coach still feel challenged by stigma around their responsibilities at home, lack the confidence to speak up, and don’t feel empowered to ask for more money or advancement. I am seeing some improvement in these areas, but it is still not the norm for women to feel comfortable in these contexts or worthy of the ask in many cases.

In many ways, the hustle stems from expectations (real or conditioned) related to perfectionism. Looking at others in comparison, observing examples in the media, or playing an old recording in their head about what they should be, are all ways women tend to self-sabotage. When we look at this through a coaching lens, it’s important to note that some of these messages are very real, coming from partners, peers, or parents, but it is equally important to do a reality check and see how much of these unrealistic expectations are being driven by our own thoughts.

We get to choose our thoughts, so taking responsibility for that piece breeds confidence and a heightened sense of control over our experience. Coaching is a powerful tool to reflect on these erroneous beliefs and then make a conscious choice to continue old thoughts and behaviors or start to work toward a new way of being at work.

The clarity created by working from home

The pandemic has helped women in some ways, particularly as work from home has gained popularity. This has allowed many women to have more bandwidth to manage work and personal responsibilities and it has also opened more global positions that can now be done virtually. What we’ve learned from this experience is that creative flexibility should be the next big thing for supporting women.

The downside is the rush to get back to normal and abandon virtual work all together is getting louder in some organizations. This is creating a new stigma for many women (and some men) and we are seeing, in some cases, that those team members who are going into the office daily advance faster than those working from home.

The pursuit of pay equity

Pay equity needs to be a standard to show women they no longer need to hustle to prove their worth. And while we know that the system needs to change, there are also internalized beliefs that women can adjust in the pursuit of this aim.

Sometimes I feel like a broken record with my coaching clients around pay and opportunities for advancement. I hear a lot of judgment about colleagues that advocate for themselves and ask for more. The judgment about “that type of person” must be dropped before we can step into our own power and worthiness about what we deserve to make. That being said, not every woman that asks is being given equal pay. There are still a lot of old thoughts, patterns, and practices that leave women far behind in dollars and opportunities when compared to their male counterparts.

A crescendo of frustration

It’s counterintuitive, but the good news is I am seeing a rise in frustration among my women leadership coachees. They are not content to have the hustle be the norm. Many of them are being asked to do more work for less pay and advancement and I think this disconnect is reaching a crescendo. The result is that many of my coachees are more willing to take a shot as courageous conversations with leadership—and they are having positive results.

Women are not often coached to ask for what they deserve from an early age when compared to men, so trying to learn this as an adult can be a challenge. What I know for sure is that our ability to change the system begins with the courage to push back against the hustle, to ask for what we need, and bolster our own confidence, self-worth—and yes, pay—in the process. These are the crucial first steps we can take in the fight against burnout and turnover, ensuring that women at all levels of leadership are supported, motivated and inspired.


Sharon Steiner Hart is executive coach at Talking Talent.