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Hello Educators!

Your students are grappling with a question only they can answer: "Who am I?" Are they sporty or bookish, or both? Do they like being the star of the show or a supporting role? What do their hobbies say about their identity?

They look to adults for ideas, which begs the question: Do you let your students see you as someone with interests inside and outside the classroom? How do you share your passions with your students while maintaining healthy boundaries? And what is the point of showing them the true you?

On the Board: Showing the True You

We had many burning questions about this, primarily what benefits students glean when you let them peek inside your world.

We asked Phyllis Fagell, a school counselor and author, to discuss the pluses and minuses of showing the true you. Phyllis currently works for Sheridan School in Washington, DC. She additionally provides therapy to children, teens, and adults in private practice at the Chrysalis Group, Inc. She is the author of Middle School Matters.

Take a look at these articles on helping teens build identity:

Quick Read: Help teens answer "Who am I?"

Long Read: Teens are shaping their identity

Extra Read: Share your hobbies with students from Edutopia

It's Not Just About the Interest

Teens don't need you to tell them that guitars exist — they know about musical hobbies. They need to hear and see examples of adults trying on new identities and navigating failures.

"I try to model trying new things and keeping a sense of humor when my efforts fall flat. I'll tell students that I enjoy baking and tell them when I burn cookies to a crisp," Fagell states. 

Don't Make It Look Easy

Similarly, teens benefit when they see adults trying to answer that "who am I?" question and move through the stages from uncertainty to wonder.

Fagell tells her students that she loves to travel but sometimes feels limited by her fear of heights. "I made a point of showing them the funny video my children took of me stepping onto the balcony of The Eiffel Tower. I look comically terrified at first, but then you see my expression change to awe as I take in the view." 

When To Share Your Interests

Let it fit naturally into conversations. Fagell explains: "Sharing anecdotes is about more than disclosing my passions; it's about imparting the lessons I've learned from my experiences."

In other words, when her students come to her for advice, she uses that hindsight to help them process their feelings about their interests. "I'll share that I was a soccer player in high school but switched to track when I thought I'd get cut from the varsity team. I might add that I felt dejected at the time, but it was a gift in disguise because I enjoy running to this day."

What Do You Think?

Agree? Disagree? Want to be interviewed for the next educator newsletter or suggest a topic you'd love to see covered? Hit reply to this newsletter and let us know.

Warmly,

Center for Parent and Teen Communication

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